Mick and Boy and Autism

Frenquent Flyer Mick

2011-06-26T22:30:00.001-07:00

Yo Mick here, the canine with the boy on the end of the leash.

Its that time of year again when Red goes to visit his dad on the other side of the country. These visits used to cause such stress and anxiety for all of us - just about wiping clean the chance of summer fun. That is until last year when Mum discovered she could send me with Red.

last year I had me first flight and wow - what a rush it is!

Red's dad said it was the best visit ever and Red felt the same way. I got to meet new friends and had a fantastic time too!

Chin up Mum. I know its quiet and likely boring with just the 3 cats to keep you company. Red an' I will be back soon and I promise to keep him in sights and out of trouble.

I just want to thank the American Disabilities Association and Delta Airlines as well as me vet and Red's Councilor for making this possible - and special slurps to Mum and Red's dad too!

Bullies are Everywhere

2011-05-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

Yo, Mick here… you know - the grinning canine!

Occasionally I’m asked, “What do you think about bullying? What should we teach our kids about Bullying, what it can to do others and hurt inside others?”

I’ve included a picture of my bro, Red after an encounter with a bully about 18 months ago.

I wrote about it then too - There have been subsequent encounters but none that show how seriously bullying harms – on the outside. The damage inflicted internally is much greater and may last a lifetime!

The scars on the inside appear in the choices my Red makes - the internal dialog he has with himself, the fun opportunities he denies himself – out of fear… I don’t know if these will ever heal? Mum and I’ve done a lot of research about bullies and their victims but there’s not a lot of encouraging data on the recovery – and we’ve not found any about where “autism rules” are made internally.

Bullying is the entire absence of humanity – and worse!

Contrary to the repeated antiquated research reinforced and portrayed in coming of age romantic movies bullies are not usually abused-themselves cowards.

Most bullies thrive on their powers to inflict harm because they are sociopaths.

Reasoning with them is not going to work and showing them the harm they cause only feeds their egos.

Don’t waste your precious energies thinking of how to turn a bullying encounter into a win-win for your kids and the bully – your child will lose!

Also be very aware that bullies recruit minions! Not all minions are those cute yellow cuddly creatures.

By all means, take the opportunity to educate your children whenever they encounter bullies – even when on TV or in movies or stories! Talk about the bully. The choices they make. Talk about other ways to handle bullying, how to safely stand up to them, how to be invisible to them, setting up personal boundaries and so forth. Teach you kids how to be safe and to make safe choices.

One regret on the topic of bullies - Years ago it was suggested to mum to give my brother Red martial arts lessons. He refused – but oh how I wish I’d pushed them both harder and insisted! I think we all would have learned a lot! And think of the fun we could have had as a family working toward our black belts together!

Anyway, bullies may have coward-like tendencies mostly because they are not equipped with humanity traits. Also they have a predictable pattern of abuse that involves singling out those with lesser social abilities - such as our buddies on the autism spectrum.

I’m not saying its our buddies’ fault that they are bullied.

I’m saying we have got to get better at teaching all kids about bullies and also modeling behavior that discourages bullying. Kids today need even better tools and information than our mums and dad had.

It can be a dog-eat-dog world out there!

I am the poster child for modeling tolerance and compassion and this is good but equally important is modeling how to handle bad behavior and difficult or abusive people.

I’m learning how to do this better and trying to teach my bro too. It is very possible to learn how to not be a victim. And to fake it until you make it. I’m now learning how to draw boundaries, enlist help, and showing my boy how to do the same.

Its tricky overcoming a tail wagging nature though! We want to trust – humanity depends on our trust of one another.

The next school day after the photo was taken mum approached the school police to seek pressing charges against the kid who sent my boy to ER (and what an experience that was with the Autism factor!). The officer told her that he would not be pressing charges against my boy.

Un-ear-flipping believable!

He kept staring at mum as if he expected her to be grateful!

I darn near bit him!

The incident involved a girl who told this minion-bully to do a trigger thing that totally freaks my bro out (its viral now – every kid in town either knows it directly or has at least heard about it). When he’d been surprised by the trigger my boy threw his reading paperback book toward the bully and ran to his special education English classroom. The much bigger bully-minion caught up to Red, picked him up and threw him bodily on the asphalt.

The black eye and tweaked nose were the result of my boy’s own knee bashing himself as he impacted with the ground.

Hooooowlch!

Nope – I just can’t seem to be grateful about not having my boy arrested for battery and neither can mum.

Here’s the way I see it - The problem is that many schools and even communities are infested with bullies or those that tolerate bully behavior. Blindly we think of bullies as our kids’ peers – that’s just not true enough. Mum works for the same school district that allowed this to happen to my brother.

Mum and I’ve been screaming and howling “bully-foul” for nearly 4 years and the school does nothing but lip-quote policy, “…there is zero tolerance…” just like thousands of schools here in the USA – probably the world and yet their very actions say otherwise.

The reason my boy’s trigger is known throughout the community is because of the middle school gym coach who turned a blind eye while Red was being tortured in the locker room with kids mooing at him almost 5 years ago. Yes – as in making cow mooing noises.

What’s more harmless than a moo?

Red has a great BS detector and knew he was being bullied but he didn’t have the skills to handle it on his own or communicate it to myself, mum or his 1:1 or anyone else! And his reactions were getting more and more attention from peers and even friends who eventually joined in the mooing. Then the day came when he got too loud in his reactions to being tormented and the coach threw him out of the locker room telling him he couldn’t return.

Mum worked at the same school site in an SDC as a classroom aide while she completed her MA in SPED – she heard Red screaming from across the blacktop and ran out of the classroom - he leaped into her arms like he was 4.

His 1:1 aide ran up behind him confirming that the coach had told him to stay out of his locker room. She was almost as distraught as Red. Mum was really upset and Angry too!

She calmed Red then went to the principal and told him the coach couldn’t do that – and don’t you know these guys are good-ol-buddies? In defense of the principal he did go in and talk to the offending boys the next day - but in a way that only contributed to the moo-trigger going viral.

The principal told the boys that if any of them ever mooed at Red again they’d be suspended. So many of them began having friends moo at him instead.

The coach was never written up - “he’s a retired col. from the Army Reserves, decorated vet, a man worthy of respect…bla bla bla”. I’ve some nice teeth I’d like to show respect with but mum wont let me!

I guess my point is that bullies live in every community and are often deliberately or inadvertently protected by people in authority or by the very same laws that should also protect us all.

Think of Enron, the Catholic priests in the news as late, mortgage brokers who use unsavory tactics, and so on even terrorists in the sandbox… Sometimes it feels like the rules only apply to us – like leash laws! Also there are so many who seem to be rewarded for breaking the rules.

I’m not a doom and gloomer by nature – I wag my tail and flash my charming canine grin and given the choice Mum wears rose colored glasses daily – really – rose tinted lenses, but we’ve had to learn to also acknowledge that there are those in our community who are here to teach us a lesson in what the lack of humanity looks like. So in that light, perhaps the sociopath-bully-minion has their place.

People don’t always do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.

Currently mum’s working with an advocate because the same school district is failing to educate Red. He’s made nearly no academic gains in well over 4 years! Maybe this is an emotional response because of the bullying? Maybe they are just not equipped to run a school? Maybe they can’t see the potential we see in Red? Maybe they can’t see far enough into the future to want to create a taxpayer instead of a tax drain? Who knows?

Mum and I use our patience and tolerance for those who deserve it; each other, family and the students we work with. The rest we distribute among friends and those we hope will not take advantage of our gifts.

When we teach kids about bullies, I feel we need to teach them that they are really out there in the world we share. We need to bone up on the skills necessary to handle or otherwise avoid those who will bully others. AND there truly are more good people than evil and how to cultivate those people into healthy relationships.

Welcome 2011 and thank you for the successes in 2010!

2011-01-01T22:01:00.000-08:00

Yo, Mick here - the grinning canine!

Sorry mates, I’ve been on a long walk about, one that really never had me leaving but a journey just the same.

Its been an interesting year for Red, Mum and me – I may be telling about some of it periodically but mostly I’d rather not clutter myself with it over much.

Briefly - We’ve moved but stayed in the same town, are still having issues with Red’s school and mum’s health is improving. Life happens and we adjust and grow through it… Autism is just one of the lenses that we use in our daily lives. We don’t focus on it we see with it.

This year, I’ll be sharing some of our story about incorporating and growing with autism beginning with the recent holiday season…

We celebrated Christmas with Uncle C and family – and there was a lot of family! 11 humans, 3 cats, a corn snake and 2 of us canines! Whew! You may wonder how we could spend 4 days with the extended family like that with autism… patience, love, we’ve done this before so we build on previous successes.

I believe that is one of the truths of living with autism… building on previous successes – whatever those may be. Begin to think about autism as building blocks of success. Stack them, build them, grow them, nurture the successes with attention and praise and love.

Focus on the successes and more will grow. This is true with everything – including Autism.

Autism Awareness Day! Woof!

2010-04-02T10:07:00.000-07:00

April 2010

Yo, Mick here!
The cutie canine!
I’mmmm Baaaaack!
(I’ll talk at a later time about being out-of-public for so long - whew - its been an ordeal!)

Today is world Autism Day and I’ve got some things I’d like to say about that –

Wooooofy Bow-Wowza! Autism – Hello it is worldwide! Seems everyone either has a family member or knows at least someone with Autism…

I’m blessed with my brother with Autism. His version is fairly high functioning… what does that mean? Well, people may pick up on the cues that he’s quirky but may not recognize the Autism in him – unless they know autism – particularly the quirkiness factor that autism just doesn’t present the same in everyone with autism. Can you believe that? Autism looks different in everyone with autism – with some specific patterns though.

So what’s the what about Autism? Lucky for you now -
Searching the web today – hundreds of thousands of sites and posts are made about autism – back when my boy was first diagnosed in 1998, there were very few and Mum couldn’t even find a book about it at the public library! Now it seems like everyone is getting on the autism train.

You can too – wear blue today to honor your friends and/or family with autism – then follow the goings on around the country with autism walks etc. – Heck the entire month of April is for Autism Awareness!!!

Participate and lend a paw where you can. If it’s not a hardship, donations for autism are most welcome – here is our local Autism Center if you feel inclined:
http://www.autismspectrumcenter.com/

Thanks!

Bullies Make Me Wanna Puke!

2009-11-28T00:07:00.000-08:00

Yo Mick here, the canine who’s looking rather ill…and all because of bullies!
(the bully saga continues…)

We’ve been so busy dealing with bullies that there’s been little time to write – well that’s not exactly true – but after the emotional beatings and physical beatings who feels up to writing?

Red got beat up at school, Mum’s being beat up with bullies who are criminal – white collar crime type criminal – and both are really huge legal issues… and well, I’ve been trying to comfort as I can.

Mum won’t let me take a bite out of any of the bullies – and trust me that requires a lot of control on my part!

So there it is, the cryptic explanations for not posting the past couple of months, that say nothing about anything at all and nothing about the stress and trauma of dealing with bullies.Oh my - do not get me started!

But really, what is there to say? Mum’s said we are to be mum about all of that for now (I did mention legal issues right?). There is much I’d like to talk about but as mum’s requested, I won’t talk about the personal side of being bullied just yet.

So here I am sharing the explanation of why the silence and a call for more research and 411 on the subject of bullies and autism - and just bullies.

Some bullies are obvious (well maybe not entirely to everyone) and then there are bullies who are not so obvious – the type who pretend to befriend and “help” but are really only serving themselves. There are bullies in schools, the workplace, the park, community, the government; even places of worship have bullies.

Bullies are everywhere!

There have been several news articles about bullies and autism… imagine that! In particular, the Boston globe shared the results of a MAC (Massachusetts Advocates for Children) report on bullying (to download your own copy: http://www.massadvocates.org/home )

Although there were nearly 90% of parents who answered that their child with autism was bullied, children are not a number – this report shares some of the stories…

Stories of bullying, they make me droopy eared and break mum’s heart, but we’d like to hear more and with permission possibly share them. So if you feel so inclined, please, we’d like to know your bully story – how it began, was there a “trigger”, was there a resolution, a particular helpful strategy???

If there are some helpful sites or books we’re all ears, even if they are a bit droopy at the moment.

here's what I know for sure about bullying - Bullying must be stopped!

So please help, share your story, share what you know about bullies, research etc. we want to know!

Thanks in advance, and stay tuned… I am sure there will be more information about autism and bullies, and our own continuing bully saga ...

Autism Crush part 2

2009-09-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

Autism Crush continued:

Yo, Mick here, the canine down under - the picnic table!

LMTO (laughing my tail off!) Gosh but I can crack myself up!

Any ways - let me continue...

So there they were at the table with her family. Red was happy as I’ve ever seen him, eating pizza, trying to remember his manners, conversing with her family (yes, you read that correctly, conversing!).

The boy was pure joy!

Sadly though -

It was his last meal with her.

There she was scrunched as close to her mum and as far away from Red as she could possibly get on the bench. Everything about her body language said she was not comfortable – but Red was oblivious.

The eye of autism can be pretty blind. Those darn social cues!

I know she tried to be gentle but Red was just too into her and she wasn’t even into him. She is just a kind person. College sophomore ladies just don’t hang with high school sophomore boys.

Crushed is just too simplistic a word to describe Red’s feelings; feelings mixed in with the autism factors too. Which pretty much means – amped up to mega.

Red was bewildered and hurt.

Sometimes a crush may look like an obsession and to be honest, Red was pretty much fixated on her. I’m sure she was uncomfortable with Red’s attentions. Poor buddy.

Mum did a pretty good job about talking him through these new emotions and getting him McDonald French fries (Red does not like chocolate or ice cream) but some things a mum just can’t share in.

I’m glad that I’d gone through a similar thing recently. I survived my own first crush. Well, to be honest, it was puppy love...

Red was able to make sense out of his feelings by talking about mine.

He compared the two, rationalized that I’d recovered and was happily “just friends” with several girls and decided he could react the same. That’s not to say that Red is totally over her – just that he’s got a good grip on his emotions and what to do about them.

I know – there are some folks who’ll say that Red is delusional – but check this out. He talks to me, he processes through issues as complex as a crushed crush using information he’s learned from friends, family, movies, books etc. and by relying on my experiences.

My experiences are whatever Red needs for them to be. He creates my experiences by projecting information he has gathered from any number of sources.

I often see movies before Red - to ensure they are not too scary.

Sometimes I go places before Red so that he can ask me about them.

I've helped him accept having to get shots. They can hurt as bad as a bee sting - but the pain sure goes away much faster!

I’ve gone through the various stages of puberty ahead of Red.

You see, Red uses my experiences to help him process things. It works for us. I’m not sure it’d work for other kids with autism or not.

I say, nothing ventured is wasted opportunity.

Deep down Red knows – I’m a canine.

He’s got a firm grasp on that as a reality, yet he’s able to power me up to a level that is capable of helping him through whatever he needs help with.

How brilliant is that?

I’m just grateful I can ALWAYS be there for my boy.

Red has just survived his first crush and although he’s crushed – he’s still my boy and I love him.

Peace out!

Autism Crush – Part 1

2009-09-08T05:55:00.001-07:00

Autism Crush – Part 1

Yo! Mick here (pictured at the top of this blog with my boy). I'm a very handsome red-headed Queensland Heeler - a Canine if you will, and I'm here to tell you adventures about raising my brother, Red. Red lives with autism...

Red was in band camp again for the 2 weeks before school started. Red loves it! Last year he met a former student who assisted the freshman with getting their marching feet. Although he didn’t know it, Red developed a crush on her.

And I must say, she is a really great person – inside and out. She’s also a great musician and marcher and...

Well, I can totally understand why Red likes her.

Sadly, she eventually had to go off to college last year but because she has a brother still in school, she made trips back as frequently as possible. Red would just glow in happiness whenever she came around.

When there was a band event, Red would perk up a bit, pay extra attention to dressing up and the details of getting his hair just right on the off chance the object of his attention would make an appearance. He really tried hard to impress her. Even Red’s college choices seemed based upon being near her. He, of course, wanted to attend the same college!

Mum and his teachers at school would sometimes use Red’s interest as a carrot saying things like, “you know, to get into college you have to do your homework”, or whatever.

This graduated band member has been a great motivator. Kids with autism tend to need great motivators and teachers and mums know how to get creative in using them.

All during band camp this summer Red went in the hopes of seeing her. And when she came, Red lit up like a pup with a mouth full of double cheeseburger with bacon.

On the very last day of camp the band kids perform what they have learned for their parents. This is followed by an invitation for the family members to join the students on the field and to keep up with them as they march (without the instruments for safety reasons).

Let me tell you, it’s a lot harder than it looks!!!

Red was so busy keeping his eyes on the object of his crush he just about pulled Mum into the tubas.

The moment the music ended he was off to hook up with her and sit at the same table. He even ate pizza to impress her and Red does not eat pizza typically (except at his dad’s but that’s a different story)

(To be continued in The Crush Part 2)

Back-to-School with Autism - Doggy Style

2009-09-05T09:01:00.001-07:00

Yo, Mick here – the canine with the new hat, pointy ears and wet nose.

It’s been an insannnne summer at our home – and classes have resumed. (Bummer that)

The best part of summer is getting my boy back! I think Red missed me as much as I missed him

Red’s been taking me for walks, tossing the ball for me, and letting me sleep on his pillow. I do like sleeping on the pillow.

Summer went by very fast! Next thing I knew we’d transitioned to school already! But we’ve about got the hang of it…

The Transition from summer to fall can be huge for kids on the spectrum and are often causes for concern (can you say anxiety?) for the parents of kids with autism – often even more anxiety for the parents than the child.

There are probably hundreds of things to worry about in the transition back to school.

Try this - don't worry!
Find your inner-canine.

I mean think about it for a moment.

Did the things you actually worried about happen?
Sure, some things did while others did not – right?
But what exactly did worrying about them do to help the situation?

Believe me, I totally get that double transitions such as a new school, or district, or promotion from elementary to junior high, or from junior high to high school are huge.

I hear you – canine ears are sharp.

All I’m really saying is that worrying won’t help and takes way too much energy. Conserve your efforts to what works. Lock in those transitions that help.

For example, Red likes to get ready for going back to school by shopping for clothes, shoes, new backpack and supplies. These things mean that school is about to begin for Red. He’s a part of the transition process and gets to make some important choices (mum does guide him sometimes with “either – or” options). It’s a back-to-school ritual.

Rituals offer continuity and comfort.

It’s not too early to start using them and its not too late either.

Shop for school supplies (online if its too much to go out into the crowds) together.

Shopping is a natural opportunity to talk about the upcoming transition.

LOL – this may appear to be rather one-sided conversations but that’s ok too. It is what it is. The point is to keep the channels of communication open – you have no idea what is actually seeping through. Likely, a lot more than appears to be!

In these conversations, focus on what works, the students’ strengths, and resilience, and past transition successes (even seemingly insignificant transitions
Such as getting out of bed in the morning are places to build new successes on).

Remember there is a lot of comfort in the rituals of being in school versus the often, unpredictable schedules and social events of summer. Focus on the positives.

Play up the positives, build upon the positives, talk about the positives and act on the positives and you’ll find you wont have a lot of time to worry.

You’ll have found your inner-canine.

There will likely be a need for adjustments in the transition to back-to-school, but by establishing a habit of focusing on the positives, positive solutions will likely happen.

Peace out – peace in. Peace in Transition.

My boy is BACK!

2009-07-25T20:46:00.001-07:00

Just follow the tail…

Yo, Mick here the joyful canine with the happy tail!

I’d write more but at the moment I’m overcome with happiness and don’t want to do anything but Love my boy!

Which in a nutshell is all anyone should do – autism or no autism – just wag your tail and love the child! Slobbery slurps are good too!

Wiggle-waggle I’m a big happy giggle!

Gloomy Mick Whines Missing Autism Boy Blues

2009-07-09T11:48:00.000-07:00

Yo – Mick here.

The canine pup with the droopy whiskers.

I’m about as glum as a guy can be – my boy has been gone for so long and I miss him horribly.

It's important for him to spend time with his dad and I totally get that.

Still, it hurts to miss him so.

Mum tries to cheer me up with walks to the school field where she throws the tennis ball for me. For a short time, I entertain her by fetching the ball – humans are easily distracted sometimes.

She takes me to the beach to distract me - and it almost works. She's taken me to several other places and though there are some kids and such, my Red isn't among them - not even at the beach.

The worse is at night when I don’t have my boy to sleep with.

I worry about him a lot because I know kids with autism can have a lot of anxiety.

Mum says that Red is doing well and like me, he can find some simple pleasures apart. Still, it would sure be nice to not have to be away from him.

One day, perhaps, autism and other challenges will be understood and then the recognition of the many different type of therapy dogs will be embraced better… still, who’s to say who’s needs are greater? Is the need for a canine companion greater or the person with severe allergies?

I’d be biased, so I will not judge. In the mean time, I will keep my tail up for Mum’s sake.

And in just 10 days, my boy will be home!

Wiggy waggy and thump thump of my tail!

Summer with Autism

2009-06-15T10:51:00.001-07:00

Yo, Mick here – the canine doing the happy rub-my-back dance!

Summer vacation started today!

Yipee!

Summer means a lot to Red and me - both good and not-so-good.

We mostly get to share some wonderful times but for part of the summer we’re not together because Red flies to see his dad and the airlines have not yet accepted my family member status. I have to stay behind with mum; she needs me too.

Mostly summer vacation is wonderful but for a boy like Red with autism (or a girl too) it can mean some challenges.

Different routines and unpredictability can wreck havoc for someone on the autism spectrum resulting in less fun for the whole family and their friends.

Mums and Dads; take care of your little ones and continue to support them in the manner you do so well.

Give lots of heads up for transitions (or not – sometimes its best to give short ones… you know your child best), practice patience during the transition, know that different challenges will likely arise, keep supports such as medications etc. in place and did I mention practice patience yet?

Yup, plenty of patience is required.

Give some serious thoughts into what’s expected of your child and other family demands during the summer. Visitors, vacations, and just the most mundane activities can upset a working routine.

Summers can be very stressful.

Make adjustments and add supports and strategize ahead with contingencies.

New issues are also likely to arise as your child matures and changes.

Such challenges as what to do when someone near and dear can’t tolerate the smells at the pool this year and last was just fine are not out of possibilities.

You may want to continue some supports that the schools use such as a calendar and schedule to help you all to add structure and some semblance of predictability to summer vacation.

Remember, that undesired behavior is likely a reaction to not being able to control one’s environment (feels like not being able to scratch that itchy spot on your back – or even worse!).

While it may not be proper for a child with autism to “control” their environment, most kids (even neuro-typical) are less anxious when they recognize there is structure and a plan they can rely on.

When scheduling activities it is important to also include some down time to regroup, recharge and just be! This is a good practice for everyone, not just those on the autism spectrum.

Enjoy your summer - that's what its for and remember to practice what works for you and yours to rock out in total summer bliss.

Rituals, Something to Howl About

2009-05-05T22:23:00.001-07:00

Yo, Mick here, the happy howler with the wet nose.

We’ve been passing the days one at a time with our daily ritual a bit buggered. Mum’s Honda Odyssey Transmission died up at Grandma’s in Pacific Grove the day before Easter.

Our daily rituals are a wreck.

Did you know that there is a flaw with Honda Odyssey Transmissions that they are trying to cover up? Seriously! Mum has been onto all types of websites researching the hundreds and probably thousands of complaints.

She put a new transmission in when the van had less than 100,000 and now with under 200,000 she's going to have to put another in - and many others have had to do the same!

But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. I want to discus rituals. The daily rituals that make the day run smooth (or not) that people with autism truly depend on.

Red and I get up after Mum’s had her cup of coffee.

She used to get up between 4:30 and 5:30 to do homework but that’s a thing of the past (at least until things get sorted out with University of Phoenix and the problems they are causing her – she may have to take yet another class and pay an additional $1950 out of pocket because they lied!).

Oops, there I digress again. Sorry.

Rituals help keep the day flowing for us.

Even with the schedule mucked because our lack of wheels has caused us to adjust to walking more, scootering and hitching rides from friends, we depend on our rituals to motivate.

As I was saying, Mum gets her coffee, reads and answers a few emails and writes some on her projects and then at 6:30 she wakes us.

No matter how many times she has done this, I act like it’s the first time and bark a bit at her. Hey, I’m not a morning mutt. What can I say? I’m a grumpy grrrrr.

Red though, he seems to like mornings, which is really pretty lucky for mum. He grabs his blanket, scoops Furball the cat up and we pile up on Mum’s lap in the living room.

Of course I get the top! Hound of the heap!

We rock for a few minutes and the day begins to feel like it has all sorts of possibilities for happiness.

Red almost falls back asleep, Furball purrs which is really weird because I’m usually sitting on top of him, and Mum smiles because she likes the snuggle peacefulness.

And then we howl!

Mum starts it off. She does this weird sound like a bird that gets me all worked up and I tilt back my head and howl and then Mum howls and Red says, “do it again”,

and we do.

It’s impossible to be upset when getting in a howl.

Transitioning to the next segment of the morning routine just seems so easy.

Howling sets the stage for a Grrrrreat Day!

Wait a minute; didn’t Tony, the Frosted Flakes tiger say that?

Oh well, he can have a grrrreat day; we have a day to howl about!

Here’s to howllllin a grrreat day too!

Review Your Rules

2009-04-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

Yo! Mick here, the one with pointy ears and canine grin!

Thank you well wishers!

I am feeling better and Red’s (aham) out of the doghouse (sorry – I know that was a cheap shot but hey – pull my paw if you don’t like it).

Red earned back half of his two-week sentence by being a good sport and behaving himself while grounded. Go figure – he choose to have the weekends for his reprieve and being grounded on school days!

Red is one smart kid!

I’m sure not going to complain about it because I had a lot of time with him. Without the distractions of TV or games, Red took me on several walks a day.

While I’m not advocating that he get into trouble again – I sure had a good week and then some! Many of those good habits have stuck with him.

I believe habits, daily rituals and those autism rules can be a really good thing or a really bad thing.

I was woofing it up with another acquaintance with autism this week who was not having such a good time. It seems some of his “rules” were not serving his greater good and were actually keeping him from making and keeping friends.

Kids with autism often have a lot of rules.

I’ve cautioned Red before (and will probably have to many more times) about rules – Rules have got to serve you not the other way around.

This poor kid had himself backed into a very lonely corner because one of his rules is, “if someone is mean to me I have to be mean to them back”.

Well, you can just imagine what THAT rule does for his social life!

Sadly, it was his self-esteem and self-loathing that had him so far down in the dumps. Any lower and his ears would drag more than Betty Basset’s.

He’s not a cruel person in his heart - its just his autism rules that drive his choices in behavior that make him appear mean or just plain too scary to hang with.

He and I spoke for quite some time about autism and my number one rule but I’m not sure I could help him.

He’s still rather attached to that rule even knowing that it ultimately doesn’t serve him. Maybe he just needs time to process the possibilities my number one rule has.

My number one rule is quite simple – Here’s my number one, most important rule: I only have rules that serve me and help me grow as a loving soul.

OK – Mum says its bedtime – woof out mates!

Feeling long in the tail

2009-03-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

Yo, Mick here.

Sorry, I've got an itch where the sun don't shine - just beside my tail.

Speaking of tails, I’ve had a bit of tail draggin’ times of late. Awhile back I got some sort of skin malady that now has me on multiple meds and I have to get a bath every-other day. I know what Red goes through with having to take meds and showers daily.

Its no woofin’ fun!

Mum or Red has to toss the pills down the back of my throat and massage my neck to get me to swallow them.

I can be rather sneaky though. Sometimes I can even cough them back up when they’re not watching but they always catch me and I get into trouble.

My boy Red did something bad a week ago. He lied about taking his meds to Mum so now he’s grounded for 2 whole weeks.

That really sucks.

If he’s not having fun, neither am I.

Last Thursday, Red said it best. He told Mum our home was like a cemetery. Yup. That’s about the truth of it. No TV, no computer, no wii, no nothing.

Red not only lied about taking his pills, when Mum went to deliver them to his school, he pitched a major fit. It was only going to be for a week but then he got really lippy to Mum so she grounded him for 2 weeks!

On the way back to class he even shoved some poor chump that made the mistake of asking him what was wrong.

Lucky for Red Mum didn’t see him shove the other kid or he’d have gotten a month of being grounded!

Well, Red’s been extra good and has even done extra chores so Mum is letting him earn back some of his time. With luck he’ll be all finished in a couple of days.

You know, taking pills every day really sucks but then again, I am starting to feel a whole lot better.

Red, I’ve noticed behaves a lot better when he’s on his meds too. Like me, he’s less prickly. I doubt he’d have shoved that boy if his meds had been in his system.

Even with me, Red’s a lot calmer and more gentle when he’s had his meds.

I get that Red just wants to be a regular kid.

He thinks that having to take medication makes him different when just the opposite is true. His behavior is quite off the regular charts when he doesn’t take his meds.

Taking meds daily makes Red feel like he’s not like the other kids.

I keep trying to explain that all kids have some sort of challenge and there isn’t a normal one in the bunch. Humans are a unique breed unto themselves, that’s for certain.

It's like they're all mutts!

Red is just socially aware enough to know he’s not like the others and young enough that it matters to him.

Maybe that's one of the down sides to his autism improving?

I’ll be glad when we both get over the tail droop days. I'm no good at the droop. Red on the other hand is handling himself rather well - he's like a kid shoveling poop looking for a pony. He knows if he's super good, Mum will lift his sentence.

Mine too is improving.

Tail Thum.

A Master's in Education: What Mum Learned

2009-02-25T05:48:00.000-08:00

Yo, Mick here. The dapper guy with pointy ears giving Mum dictation.

One of Mum’s friends asked her, “What is the most valuable thing you learned in your studies, that helps you as an autie-mom?” (Thanks Mama Mara)

So I’m handing the page over to Mum.

Hey, Mum Irene here.

I was working on a Master’s in Special Education degree mostly while my son Red was in middle school. As part of the degree requirement, I secured a job in special education. Without a credential, the best I could do was a paraeducator job. Fortune stepped in and I received a position at the same middle school my son attended.

To answer the question:

Never under-estimate the benefits of professional courtesy and proximity. These are huge benefits.

Other things I learned are; Red is a lot more capable than I’d assumed, my instincts are nearly always right on, it is important to listen to the educational professionals with an open mind and heart and to still trust your instincts.

Also if you feel the need or perceive something’s not “right” take some time to consider, ponder, meditate and/or pray – you don’t have to sign an IEP at the meeting, you can return to the table or sign later. Bring a friend to an IEP with you, if you bring a professional also bring a friend. (I spouse can also be a friend but this has not been my experience).

There is a fine line between advocate and nuisance. Perceptions do matter, professionals do talk, and being perceived as an antagonist is not a benefit to your son or daughter.

Connect with other families with exceptional children.

Take time to care for yourself. The flight instructions hold; put on your mask first so you’ll be able to assist your family and others and there are always others.

No matter how busy your day, take time to hold your sons or daughters, even if they are as tall as you and even if they do not have autism, maybe even especially then. At the least, make sure to connect in meaningful ways daily. This is more for you than for them although everyone benefits.

There is energy to be found when reflecting on past successes that powers and inspires solutions to current challenges. Take the time to reflect - (LOL yes journal!)

I’ll expound on these in my own blog,

Thanks so much for the question; it was more meaningful and insightful for reflection than the one I received in my final class.

Your questions are most welcome!

Mick, Thanks for sharing your blog space.

Yo. Mum, You’re welcome!
Woof!

Mick Knows Autism - just ask!

2009-02-19T05:52:00.000-08:00

Yo Mick here, the canine with style!

I’m getting all dressed up to go p-a-r-t-y!!!

Mum just finished her Master’s in Special Education and we are headed out to celebrate! She’s worked her butt off, especially in the past month to complete the degree. She was up before dawn, and in bed long after Red’s and my bedtime.

I never had a chance to get online.

But I’m back!

And I know how to have fun with autism!

So hang tight, gather up your questions and fire um off this way. I’m going to tell you ever so much more about the adventures of Red, Me (Mick) and Autism and answering questions. If you have some suggestions and stories or input, by all means, pass it along – I’d love to hear from you!

My mission besides being Red’s best companion is to help others find their way and discovering the potential fun in autism. Autism does present challenges, but what doesn't? Fun with Autism is a mind-set that’s truly attainable.

Peace out, friends of autism,
Mick

Autism Style and What is Normal

2009-01-19T07:49:00.001-08:00

Yo! Mick here, the cutie with the canine grin with yellow coat and a hat.

One of the things I’ve had to adjust to about autism is that what I experience as “normal” might not be for the majority of others.

For example, I had no idea that most dogs are not put into hats and other clothing. Red’s been dressing me up since I can remember. I mean look around; as you shop you’ll notice that there are more and more stores catering to well-dressed canines.

Interesting isn’t it?

I wonder if this has anything to do with the increase in autism diagnosis over the past decade or so? Is everyone who dresses his or her dog on the autism spectrum?

Doubtful.

Here’s the thing, Red’s not different to me.

He’s not broken; he’s my best friend and brother. Red is perfect to me. He loves me and that is our “normal” and good enough for me.

My perspective sometimes makes it difficult to understand what all the fuss over autism is about.

If we could all practice better tolerance of diversity and taking the perspective of others I don’t know if we’d really need to term autism.

Sure, Mum’s explained that many with autism are not like Red, or have the same abilities.

I just don’t get what all the fuss is about. Autism is just another way to experience the world, and everyone experiences the world in his or her own perspective even when trying to take another’s perspective.

Got it?

Try this; dress your dog, and go for a walk.

Go on. Put your favorite canine in clothes. Make sure to include a hat. Sometimes a hat is a nuisance but I think hats really make the outfit. Some people even like to have a matching outfit. I’m waggy with that.

Now get out there and walk.

You wont have a problem unless someone gets in your face declaring that dressing dogs isn’t normal. Yet clearly for a great many, dressing up their pup is very normal; canine couture is rabid.

See what I mean?

Normal is a matter of perspective.

Autism is normal for me, but I’m trying to understand how it might not be for others. Really, I do try to understand autism from a normal perspective.

I think what confuses me the most is this:

Who decides what normal is?

Understanding Autism Time and College Time

2009-01-16T18:52:00.000-08:00

Yo Mick here.
Grwomth.

I have a mouthful.

I’ve developed an overly fond attachment to this purple whatever I received for Christmas, the first one. We had 2 Christmas’ at our home. I like that Christmas seemed to go on forever this year. I Love Christmas Time.

But, Christmas is over.

Mum says she’ll finish putting away the decorations this weekend. She took down the tree last weekend. Too bad we can’t keep the cheerful decorations up awhile longer yet, I like them but Mum claims it’s past time to put them away. Sometimes time is a real important matter in our home and sometimes it isn't.

We move on a blend of Autism time and college time around here.

Autism and college time are a bit different than other time apparently. College time is what mum is on. Her days begin and end with the homework and all of the studying she does. Sometimes things get done and sometimes things are put on hold depending on Mum’s coursework.

Autism time is fitting in the rituals, needs, and sometimes very urgent demands of someone with autism. Its reacting and planning and moving through the day, week and year in a manner that best works for someone on the autism spectrum, whatever that is for an individual and their family. (Mum taught me that)

College time blended with Autism time is my normal time.

I had no idea that there were other schedules or ways to experience time.

It’s like autism.

If mum hadn’t started explaining to me about autism behavior traits and such, I’d have had no idea that my boy Red wasn’t what others call “normal”. Sure, he doesn’t always act like the other humans but I never stopped to consider that different.

None of them really act like the other.

What the heck is normal anyway?

Frankly I don’t really believe there’s such a thing as a "normal" person.

Mum explains normal is more of a range of behaviors and ideals that can be used as a tool to evaluate if someone needs special help with something. Sometimes, she says, its a term used in a mean way.

I've seen meanness but I still don’t understand normal - any more than I understand meanness.

I do however understand my brother, Red. There's not a mean bone in his body.

Mum says that if I study Red and study autism, I can help others understand kids with autism better. She's going to help me learn more about autism – on college time, which will be blended with autism time of course. Which means fitting teaching me in with our normal schedule.

Sporadic is a time that comes to mind.

Our Pre-Christmas Stress with Autism

2008-12-30T09:20:00.001-08:00

Pre-Christmas Stress followed with Family Fun

Yo! Mick here! Have slurp will share!

My advice at Christmas and pretty much all the time is; spare the stress and pass the slurp.

I spoke last about avoiding family and other events that don’t josh with the autism in the family but I forget that some family just can’t be put on ignore – such as the co-creator, sometimes called, the ex. In our case, that would be Red’s dad.

Let me back track a bit … I’ll need to explain the basics of the family dynamics, the surface problem and then the real crux of the problem – the deep wounds and then the getting to Christmas Family Fun – Its one heck of a journey.

Some family history.

My family, like 80% of families with autism, was divorced before I joined them.

They are scattered geographically from one end of the country to the other and in-between.

Mum, Red and I live in California, and most of Mum’s family lives here too except a sister who lives in Colorado with her hubby and kids.

Red’s dad lives in Georgia and Kasmira, his sister lives at college in Florida. Red’s other grandparents live in Illinois, he has uncles and cousins in Iowa, Illinois and a cousin in Utah and well, Red's family is all over!

Mum living on one end of the country and Red’s dad on the other mostly works for them, at least it does for Mum.

Mum needs her family, friends and ocean - it is a part of her soul and to be away from them for extended times is really hard on her – especially when life is especially challenging her.

The Surface Stress – or Our Pre-Christmas Stress
You can’t always avoid stress and especially certain family members like the ex you share children with – or their parents.

Prior to Thanksgiving, at the beginning of November. Red’s grandmum on his dad’s side (I don't claim any of Red's paternal family as mine, not even his dad) called up and started trying to get Red to go to their home for Christmas.

I sure didn’t need my exceptional hearing to listen in; the woman has a schoolyard voice.

Anyway, she was pretty persistent and even told Red about all the different cousins and uncles who would be there, the fun things they had planned and that she wouldn't make him eat stuff he doesn't like.

Wow, she spread it on thick!

Red didn’t go for it though.

He was at his dad’s home last year so he logically figured he'd be with Mum and me this year and his sister would fly here for Christmas.

Apparently the grandmum also called Kasmira with the same plea because Red's sister opted to go from college in Florida to their dad’s in Georgia and then up to their grandparents’ home in Illinois for Christmas.

Mum was totally bummed but being so busy with college and work and not wanting to stress Kasmira who was shedding a few tears trying to please everyone, she chose to not fight it and even decided to encourage Red to go to the grandparents.

Kids should be together at Christmas, Mum believes.

Mum honestly did try to make it happen that way.

First she told Red she wasn't sure where he'd be this year for Christmas and that he may be going to see his grandparents in Illinois.

She then emailed Red’s dad telling him she’d “back him” if he’d make the arrangements for Red to fly and to tell him. She also mentioned in her email that his mum was a bit persistent but no more so than her own mom, Baba, could be.

Mum understood that his parents are getting older and there are some health concerns etc. - she got it.

Well, a couple of weeks go by with Red acting out at school and home; not at all happy about the situation and then Mum gets a call from Mike, (Red’s dad).

Here’s Mum’s version of the conversation:

Mum: I’m shopping, Red’s at home if you want to call him there.

Red’s Dad: I know, I just spoke with him.

Mum: Well, OK. What did you tell him? what are the travel dates?

Red’s Dad: I told him he didn’t have to come out for Christmas but that I hoped he’d make the right decision.

Mum: You said what?

Red’s Dad: Sorry it took me so long to get back with you, but what you said about my mom really upset me…

And then he proceeded to blast Mum for saying his mom had tried to guilt the kids.

So Mum told him she was hanging up because he was out of control and yelling. He called back, so she let it go to voice mail and then deleted it without even listening to the message.

The conversation and his blasting her upset Mum but what riled her most was what he’d said to Red, “You don’t have to come but I hope you make the right decision”.

Red is 15!

He doesn’t like change, doesn’t want to go anywhere because it disrupts his routines and he can't take me - and his dad had just told him he didn’t have to!

Here's what happened on my end:

You should have seed Red when he got off the phone with his dad.

Red was ecstatic! Like Christmas morning had arrived early for him!

He didn’t have to go to Georgia or Illinois or leave me behind, what’s not to like about that?

He was one joyful kid! I wish you could have seen his expression when he heard he didn’t have to go away for Christmas!

He gave me a big ol’ hug and I slurped his face and brought him my ball to share how glad I was and bow-wowzie! You should have seen how happy we were!

No worries here – none for Red or me anyway…

All sorts of old hurts came to the surface for Mum - again and it was nothing to do with Red's dad blasting her! That was more like a scab being ripped off to a much deeper hurt that seemed to keep getting deeper once removed.

The implications! (the wound suddenly looks more serious)

Here's what Mum explained.

What does “I hope you make the right decision” mean to a 15 year - old especially one with autism?

Red probably never even heard that part! He probably didn’t hear anything beyond, “You don’t have to come to here” because those were the words he was looking for.

Mum feels Red's dad should have known that! And would have IF he understood autism like a man who has a son on the spectrum should.

Red’s dad expected Red to “decide” to have Christmas with him and his family all on his own.

Anyone with any type of understanding about kids knows that’s asking too much.

Throw in the autism factor and it was totally unfair of Red’s dad to expect Red to choose something that requires him to leave me and Mum and normal routines for the unknown, his noisy cousins, a grandmother who makes him eat “weird things” like casseroles, and all the different rules his dad has for him.

That’s the deeper part of the wound –

Mom's really hurt because Red's dad has never tried to understand Red and his version of autism.

Mum claims that Red’s dad never even researched autism online in spite of spending hundreds of hours on the computer playing games and messing around and her sending links, books and reports about autism.

This is according to Mum. And I believe her based on what I’ve seen and heard!

Take the whole Christmas fiasco - Red's dad doesn't get him or autism if he expected Red to "decide"; he should have spelled out exactly what would be happening on Christmas.

Mum says that like so many other divorces within the autism community Red’s dad didn’t want to understand autism – that he just couldn’t face it for any number of reasons.

Mum also says that Red's dad has even blamed her for Red’s behaviors – as in he feels she raised Red into a boy with autism behaviors because she "coddles" him and gives in to him too much.

That’s not unusual either. I remembered that part form a TV show. You should have seen Mum crying when Jenny McCarthy said the same thing on Oprah. I slurped her hand through the whole show.

Just think about it for a moment – 80% of families with autism go through divorce!

Mum and Red’s dad are caught up in a vicious cycle.

Red's dad blames Mum for moving Red so far away claiming there's no way he can get to know Red by only getting to see him so briefly periodically.

Mum said she had to return home to California, that she needed the support of family and friends and beach to heal herself from years of neglect and unhappiness in order to raise Red.

Then she throws it back at him stating that he never tried before the divorce to understand Red or autism anyway.

Red’s dad keeps blaming Mum for moving away and she keeps telling him he didn’t help with understanding autism, learning to work together to help Red and that he’s in denial about Red’s autism - still.

She says she couldn't raise Red on her own and had to go back to California.

Blah, blah, blah. It's enough to make a tail and ears droopy.

When they get like that, they are just not nice.

It’s a vicious cycle and doesn’t solve anything, help the one with autism or accomplish anything productive. They just tear each other down and waste energy that could be better spent.

Sigh - the whole thing between them is a mess because they can't agree on autism which is only one of several reasons why they are divorced.

Opposite sides of the country works best for them - and us.

Lets get back to Pre-Christmas and Christmas… (can't be droopy forever ya know!)

Mum didn’t tell Red he didn’t have to go to his Dad’s.

She waited and gave Red’s dad until the end of Thanksgiving weekend (close to 2 weeks) to tell Red that he would be going to his grandparents’ home for Christmas.

When Red's dad didn’t call or write, Mum asked her family while they were all at our Uncle's home in Santa Barbara for Thanksgiving, whose home we were celebrating Christmas at this year?

Everyone voted for our home because it’s in the middle!

Red was happy, Mum was even more busy and very pleased too!

She loves having the family over and there is no better antidote to old hurts than staying busy.

Mum was finishing up her first leg of student teaching, preparing for the second and then there was the whole home clean up thing!

There was a lot to do to prepare for Christmas!

Mum tends to take on too much, forgetting her own ADHD and needs. She also hates to vacuum!

(Read – the housecleaning had been neglected for awhile and there was A LOT to clean and do to prepare for Christmas here)

Thank goodness, everyone in Mum's family gets the autism thing. We do not have to stress that!

We had a wonderful Christmas here with family – which is even better than being busy for helping Mum feel better.

I hope to share some more about our Christmas vacation soon - we've really had a slurpy wagwagerful vacation but...

Duty calls!
I gotta take Red for a scooter ride on his new Fusion!
Woof -woof!

Autism Holiday get-together - A matter of choices

2008-12-13T11:34:00.001-08:00

The holiday get-together with autism is a matter of choices

Yo! Yo! Yo! Mick the cutie canine in the elf scarf.

It’s the holiday season and you have some celebration options. I went over some in the previous post and one is to choose to not go to an event or get-together. A perfectly valid option…

Sure, by not planning on going to that annual family meal you may upset your sister who is always trying to create a perfection by encouraging her kids to play nicely with your son with autism.

She really tries and in her heart she prays daily for you and your family.

But guess what, your son probably finds more happiness lining up their Hot Wheel cars or markers quietly in a closet and really is overly anxious when all three of the kids try to engage him in an activity.

Add in a few supportive adults and wowzie!

She just doesn’t “get it”. “it” being life with autism.

If you need to, tell your family that you know they love and care for you and you feel the same but sorry, "No can do". Offer an alternative if you feel so inspired but do not feel like it has to be during the holidays.

But hey, I understand. My family does a lot with family during the holidays and well, there are a lot of expectations from all over (and a lot of support and understanding). If you feel the need and really want to get together at your sister's or wherever with family or friends have a few exit strategies.

A Few?

Yes!

You gotta leave sometime, right? Have some plans.

When’s the best time to leave?

Best case, winner-winner chicken dinner, leave on a happy note!

Maybe this is the year you come in say hello to everyone, give a reward to the youngster with autism for being so well behaved and a reward to the other kids for being so wonderful and you don't even take your coats off.

You just get right back into the car. (Mum explains this is like part of an ABA plan where you start small and build on success with the plan to eventually have a full day or weekend.)

Maybe your expectations are a bit beyond that. OK. When do you plan on leaving?

Mum says to really put some thought into the exit plans. You may be disappointed, you may disappoint others, but over-staying will likely disappoint everyone.

Prior to the get-together, try to have at least one person who can have your back if you need to leave unexpectedly. This person can offer apologies and smooth the way as you leave or after you leave if they stay behind.

Letting the host or hostess know ahead that you will stay as long as you can but that you may need to leave early is also an appropriate thing to do.

Use your own judgment, but you don’t need to “blame autism”, you may just want to say, “Sorry, time for us to go”. Period. Friends and family know and love you, and anyone else, well, their loss. Know what I mean, Jelly Bean?

Think about your child; then make a plan. Maybe you take it step-by-step; you want to stay as log as possible (for whom?).

You make it this far and all is going well (as in a 10 on a scale of 1-10 perfect) Good, as soon as things hit a 9 consider your exit plan because you want to be able to leave on a happy note if at all possible.

Why leave on a happy note?

Mum says this is so you can reinforce the good without drawing attention to what you don't want to – for the Good of everyone.

Think about it. Wouldn’t you rather hear, “Gee, do you have to leave, JR was is behaving so well?”

Choose success!

And what about the drive home?

Mum really praises Red for all the positive things she can.

So she’ll be saying things like, “I really like the way you chewed with your mouth closed”, or, “I really like the way you shared your new ball”, or “I know you wanted to hit your cousin when she took your car but you didn't - whoohoo!", or “Way to go! You left the table to have some quiet time while everyone else was finishing their desert – good strategy!”

(and that really is a good idea – kids with autism need some quiet time to decompress or regroup for the next set of demands, leaving the table early tends to work well for Red).

If things have gone from a 10 to a 1 (and you know from experience they can – just that quick) there may be no way to leave on a happy note.

You'll need a strategy for leaving on an unhappy note too.

I know, that flies in the face of our general family trait of optimism but Mum says she’d rather have a plan and not need it than need it and not have it.

Back-up plans are common sense not the primary focus. Focus on the desired outcome and you wont need your backup plan (probably).

So, if you do have to leave unexpectedly –

Well, try to still focus on the good parts and if you can’t find a good thing about the whole sorry time (sniff) then put on your happy face and look for something else where you and the family can enjoy the love of one another.

Maybe look at the lights on the way home, stop for some hot cocoa or make some when you get home. Drive around if it helps you and everyone to relax and maybe don't go home until you've found a happy place or something positive to talk about.

If you look for it peace and joy can be found and there is nothing better than a later giggle over the shocked faces of others – but it may take some time before you’re ready to laugh.

There is no point in berating a child for bad behavior outside of there control but another time, perhaps you can practice better choices.

Perhaps the first better choice can be yours – whenever possible, set your child up for success.

Success builds success.

Goodness knows, Mum’s apologized to Red for taking him somewhere he wasn’t able to cope or for as long as she’d hoped. She tends to beat herself up for these mistakes but she shouldn’t she’s human – not canine

Live, Learn, Laugh and Love – That’s the canine way!

Yo! Yo! Yo! And a Happy Holiday Season to all!

Happy Holidays

2008-11-29T11:41:00.001-08:00

Yo, Mick here. Yup, I'm the canine with a candy-cane scarf.

Mum's learned a lot about the challenges autism brings to the holidays.

No matter your celebration (there seems to be at lest one for everyone and more for others) the disruption to the routines, different foods, people interacting and expecting to be interacted with (especially the expectations) whew! the whole tamale can be a real stress without adding in the autism factor.

How exactly does a family factor autism into a happy holiday?

Plan for it of course!

This was the subject of a recent autism support group meeting that Mum went to.

There were all types of suggestions and confessions from families. (They laugh a lot at those meetings and Mum always comes in renewed but that's a different story - check out a meeting sometime if you get the chance, discovering other families and hearing other autism stories really renews the spirit).

Here's what Mum got out of the meeting:

The real success or distress of the holiday season seems to come down to the expectations of everyone involved.

What do you expect the holidays to be?

Remember, if you're looking for trouble its already upon you. If you're stressed out - those wonders on the autism spectrum have a way of picking up on that and returning it ten fold (at the least)!

Be the canine of peace!

According to Mum, those families who have altered their celebration style so that it embraces their child's autism do more than cope during the holidays, they have found ways to enjoy them.

En-Joy! get it? Flow into Joy!

They have created Happy Holidays!

What does that mean?

They have modified their expectations without compromising their beliefs in family and Love.

Here’re some tips to get you thinking about your family dynamics:

* Don't try to do everything; instead, pick and choose the activities based upon your past experiences or "gut" feelings - Doing less creates more for all

* Do not attempt to take your daughter with autism to her sister's choir performance if she can not handle the sound of a group singing, sitting on bleachers or other environmental factors or if choirs just freak her out

* Do not force your son with autism to wear the clothes Grandmother brought for him if he truly can't stand the fiber they're made from

* Now is not the time to begin one of those diets that restrict sugar or flour if you are planning to to go to 9 parties this season (have a plan if you are already on one of those diets if you do go to holiday parties and don't expect the host or hostess to know or meet your needs!)

* Do practice manners and personal hygiene - as a family

* Do what makes you feel good about your family – celebrate with joy!

* Do give yourself permission to pick and choose your family's activities - without any guilt

* Do keep your expectations realistic and fun for everyone - remember its a Happy Holiday!

I don't know why but the humans can really let their expectations muck up an otherwise fun event or season – be Joyful, be fun, be Happy, be about the Love of the season.

Staying home and baking doggy biscuits (or cookies) with the whole family works for a very happy holiday memory!

Peace on and blessings for a safe and Happy Holiday Season.

Choice of Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T13:42:00.000-08:00

Yo. Mick here, the cute one with the ball in my mouth!

Happy Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for Autism.

Here’s what I mean… Did you eat enough for 2 or more? I sure hope so because I got zipo – nadda – nadda darn bite.

I hounded and hounded (of course puns are intended – why waste them?) the cooks in the kitchen but they were stingy with the treats.

I was as snoopy as possible but we were at my Uncle’s and Aunt’s home and I’m not allowed into the kitchen (don’t look I’m seriously showing my puppy dog face – which I did most of yesterday to no avail!).

Turkey!

With all of the trimmings and not the first nibble!

If I’d been in my own home I’d have had the works except pumpkin pie; it gives me gas.

Mum was busy washing dishes, cooking, talking to my sister on the computer and hanging with the family. To say she was distracted is an understatement.

And she’s back! Mum took one look at my long face this morning and fixed me up a wonderful helping. I was drooling before she even set the dish down. I think it tasted even better than it must have yesterday!

I can’t be upset with being at my cousins’ home though, even if I am treated as less than the family member I am; I get to play with other canines!

My aunt brings Lucky, a Great Dane. Next-door is Foster, one of my Australian Shepard friends. All 3 of us with another carload of cousins and parents went to the park to play Soccer and chase balls.

Life just doesn’t get much better than that.

So even though the turkey and trimmings were slow to arrive, I have plenty to be thankful for. Life’s full of choices and being thankful is just a matter of choice, even without all the trimmings.

What does Thanksgiving have to do with Autism or vise versa?

Focus.

We can focus on the challenges of autism or we can focus on the gifts of autism.

We have the choice of what to be thankful for.

I could have focused on the lack of Thanksgiving treats in my dish but where’s the fun in that?

Choosing to focus on the joy of family gives me so much more happiness. Likewise, focusing on the gifts of autism brings all of us so much more of everything good.

Mum’s a much more patient person than she once was and I am a much happier canine because autism and my boy give me purpose. My boy loves me in a unique way that wouldn’t be the same without autism. I am unique and constantly growing in ways I never would have if autism were not a part of my life.

My boy, Red is growing as a person with autism.

People and canines alike are influenced with Red’s autism. And there are close to 1:100 boys with autism! That’s huge! Autism is ginormous!

Yes, there are challenges that we all perceive with autism that are very real and yes, life would be simpler (maybe) without autism, but would we be any happier? Would we be the same soul without autism in our lives?

Red was goalie in the soccer game with no final score on Thanksgiving Day. We were surrounded with family and love. Autism was there too but instead of taking away from the experience, autism contributed to it. Autism helped us all grow.

What we focus on is a choice.

We can focus on missing the family who were at other places or who have moved away from our table or we can enjoy the ones we’re with (There’s a song there somewhere). Autism can be a banquet with rich trimmings or it can be worse than no leftovers or nibbles.

The choices are ours.

Autism Unemployment Statistic

2008-11-10T08:03:00.000-08:00

Scary Autism Unemployment Statistic

Yo. Mick here. I'm the handsome canine in the backseat.

Mum went to an autism conference this past week as her school site representative and one night as a family member. Both lectures were sponsored by SELPA and both had the same presenter, Barbara Bloomfield.

Mum says Barbra Bloomfield is an excellent speaker and would go to see her again and recommends her to others. Barbara has some really helpful suggestions and ideas. There was however one tiny statistic that has Mum really upset.

“The unemployment rate for people with autism is 75% – 97% with the people on the higher end of ASD being the most unemployed”.

Oh my! That's my boy they're lumping into those numbers!

More bad news, of those employed, people with autism are the most under employed as a group. Meaning they earn and work in jobs far below their job skill levels.

I shudder and shake worse than a case of fleas over the terrors of our kids with autism.

I am horrified by the possibility my boy will become an unemployment statistic or find work that doesn’t showcase his abilities.

But I know Mum and she wont let that happen!

So here’s Mum to tell us some more about autism and unemployment based on what she learned. I'm gonna hang in the backseat for this one.

Hey all. Mum Irene here.

What do you think are the employment breaking issues employers give about employees with autism?

• The ability to work independently
• Social Communication
• Planning and organizing skills
• Daily living skills – particularly in the areas of hygiene, grooming, and dress
(The bullets taken directly from the notes of Barbara Bloomfield)

Bloomfield asks the question, “When do we begin to teach to these issues”?

The answer is of course, As soon as possible! ASAP! NOW!

I know!

You feel like another huge burden has just been dropped on your already rocky plate.

I know that feeling very well myself. Take a breath and let’s look at the new scary mess that’s just landed. Plop. Breath out!

Take another breath in - - - - - and out.

Now breath normal (grin).

Absolutely none of these issues are new – they’re already on our plates, they’ve just surfaced to the top as a new way to consider the importance of why we do what we do.

Are you breathing again?

Consider these issues to help focus your efforts on a clear outcome (that being your son or daughter gainfully employed in work that uses their highest skills and has meaning for them).

OK. That’s all well and good but am I doing what I can for my child? Is what I’m doing effective?

I’m sure you are doing what you can and we’ll review some of these things in the next several postings.

As you have learned by now, autism in the family requires a lot of blind faith. Hold your faith and you and your child will be just fine. Know this too.

You are capable.

We know what our children need (their strengths and deficiencies) and we know their learning styles and motivators – this information is a huge plus.

You are the expert of your child; as Dr. Attwood has said in lecture, “You have a PhD in your son or daughter”. (if you don't know Dr. Attwood he's awesome with asperger and high-functioning autism people)

Embrace your expertise and faith; these will serve you and your family well with the autism experience. Keep your sights on the goal, focus on the joyous aspects of autism and the rewards along the journey.

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2008-11-02T21:34:00.000-08:00

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Autism Controversy, Vaccinations and wrestling inside

2008-10-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

Yo, Mum Irene here. Wrestling.

I want to say something about vaccines and autism.

I went to a support group for families with autism a few years ago and was first introduced to the concept that autism might be caused by the vaccines given to our children.

Frankly, the woman was more frighting than her conspiracy theory and message that autism is caused by vaccinations and in particular, thimerosol but I did get the message and I did include it when I first began researching for my senior capstone project during my sophomore year.

Then when I was finalizing my project I discovered that the online documentations, the Wakefield Papers, disappeared from the usual sources. I had to replicate the information through other sites that are more controversial - and I became concerned.

Today, my son's pediatrician is adamant that vaccinations do not cause autism. Sure, I consider her position and interests.

As a society, we can't afford to not vaccinate. I got it.

But consider this, why do we have so many different pain medications? Some are designed to help different areas of the body, but mostly, because not every body reacts the same!
How big of a stretch is it to consider that not every body will respond to vaccines in the same way.

When I was writing my capstone I was a novice researcher so on one hand I took notice when I couldn't locate the papers but on the other, I passed it off that maybe I'd just lost the research thread.

Last night I stumbled across this interview with Robert F. Kennedy JR. Check it out:

Perhaps, there is more to the conspiracy theory...

Anyone else have some concerns or problems with vaccinations?

What's your story?

*** NOTE*** I'm not saying we shouldn't vaccinate our children - I do choose to vaccinate but this is a decision I make with informed trepidation and prayer - its not an easy choice for me.

My primary question is this; if there wasn't a problem with thimerosol why was it removed?

My next question is, what's the next thimerosol - what else may trigger objectionable autism behaviors? (many autism behaviors are actually pretty cool!)

Of further note. My feelings about autism are based mostly upon my experiences with a child who is fairly high-functioning on the autism spectrum. Were my child severely impacted I'd certainly be choosing different battles and making different choices!

I do try to support other parents as best I can and if there is a suggestion or comment from these parents, please, I'd like to hear from you too.

Finding your niche

2008-10-21T07:02:00.001-07:00

Finding your niche

Yo, Mick here. I’m the adorable canine brother to the kid playing the baritone.

Red has autism and I’ve taken it upon myself to help bridge the understanding of those on the spectrum with those off the spectrum by demystifying it. Autism is less a disability when it is better understood.

Autism can impact a person in many ways but it doesn’t have to be as severe as many make it out to be. Red is not so impacted when he’s around people who practice tolerance and appreciate diversity – which is why he’s really found his niche in the high school band. Band members tend to belong to the artsy crowd who appreciate the diverse.

Red happens to have a strong attraction to music (many with autism do) and enjoys a level of success as a musician. Being with friends (yes! Friends!) who share similar attitudes and common goals brings Red a lot of personal satisfaction. And, he blends in with his peers instead of standing out like he does in situations involving numerous non-diverse and intolerant people.

People with autism have different preferences and innate abilities. If you are on the spectrum or you’d like to foster or mentor someone on the spectrum towards success, seek groups or people who can help you or them develop abilities or special interests even further. These may be similar age peers or people within the field of their interests already who may even be able to mentor.

Keep in mind that it is a cultural nero-typical bias that dictates friends be the same age. People with autism are very likely to build closer friendships with people who are older or younger.

Friends from band greet Red in the hallways at school and even around town when they see him. Band members are part of a team who practice a code of beliefs best summed as, esprit de core.

Other groups working together on projects such as science can also have a strong sense of esprit de core. If music isn’t the right fit, check out other groups or individuals within yours or their passions.

Friendships are also a cultural bias. Some people on the spectrum may find greater personal satisfaction and joy in doing something they love than in building relationships. That should be okay too!

Perhaps their best friendship is with a canine brother. Know what I mean? Every individual gets to chose their own sources of satisfaction (without harming others of course).

Band works well for satisfying Red on many levels. Band is definitely Red’s current niche. Do keep in mind that niche’s are not required to be a life-long commitment. Red, like many on or off the spectrum, may move from niche to niche mastering each to the level they choose. He may even develop multiple niches but for now, band is the bomb!

Red shines in band as bright as his baritone in sunlight. Those around him tend to feel the reflective glow of his passion for band and their individual and team spirits grow too. It’s a beautiful sight to watch people shine in their element.

Dominant Culture and Autism Culture

2008-10-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

Yo, Mick Here.
I’m the blue-eyed redhead on the left with the toothy grin.

We spent the past week doggy sitting our friend here Sammy the blue heeler.
We had a lot of fun together hanging out, taking additional walks and getting extra treats.

Sammy has an annoying behavior though.

He came into our home and decided that there needed to be more of him in it so he lifted his leg and peed.

The first time Mum noticed she scolded Sammy who immediately curled up and rolled over on his side peeing as he went. Mum tried to get him to go outside and instead he ran around the room and leapt onto the couch. She tried to pick him up but he started peeing again.

Eventually she got him up and carried him outside. Mum, Red and I cleaned up all the messes. Yuck. He’d been here before so we weren’t expecting any misbehavior like this.

Then Sammy peed in more places. Over the week he peed on the corner of the living room, the family room, the hall corner, in the hall, on the door jam of the bathroom, a kitchen cabinet, a leg on each of the tables and on every plant in the backyard.

Sammy’s a good dog and very loving which is why his behavior was so puzzling, I sure didn’t have any urges to pee everywhere (except outside!), but I got a chance to ask him why he did it.

Sammy was confused about his own family leaving without him and us driving him back to our place. He felt insecure and Sammy was just trying to fit himself into our already established culture.

In the canine word peeing is a way to mark a territory and also cover over another’s mark.

Then it struck me, Mum and Sammy’s behavior is not unlike one culture covering over other cultures. The act may not be intended to be vicious but it does tend to feel that way. Sometimes the act of dominating another culture is deliberate.

Neuro-typical people tend to deliberately and inadvertently dominate other cultures, to make them fit into their perceptions of “acceptable” or “normal” behaviors.

Mum was trying to get Sammy to understand that peeing all over our home was unacceptable. Sammy was just trying his best to fit in, by peeing.

Now, I’m not saying that people with autism go around peeing where they shouldn’t, but seriously, neuro-typical people do a lot of culture squashing (peeing) and such trying to get people with autism to act “normal” or replace behaviors that they just don’t understand.

Grant peeing in one’s home outside the toilet is unsanitary and gross and should probably not happen, but just how offensive is a culture constantly trying to change other cultures to be more like them?

Can you imagine what type of world we could live in if cultures would better respect each other’s?

Doggy Love

2008-10-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

Yo, Mick here, the one with the wet nose and pointy ears.

As a dog brother I am well suited to caring for my boy. The best perks are that I get to experience being in love all the time. I mean it; 24-7, 365 days of the year love.

I don’t mean that I give it and don’t receive it.

Nope.

That’s different. Red and I share total admiration and devotion, love.

I know. There is a large amount of literature about the inability of people with autism to express love and frankly I think that’s total bunk.

I mean just look at my boy! He loves me.

In fact he loves pretty much everyone at a base innocent level.

Those bullies, if they would just apologize, stick out their hand and share a high knuckle-five he’d forgive them in a nana-second and become buddies. I know because I’ve seen Red forgive and forget and embrace new friendships.

I am constantly blown away with Red’s level of compassion. If the rest of the world could practice just half of his ability to love unconditionally we’d live in a truly blessed and beautiful society.

So how was it that Red learned to love?

Mum thinks that I have played a part in the process of teaching Red about unconditional love. While he’s had an ability to demonstrate love for a long time Mum says he’s truly blossomed since I arrived in our home.

It could also be maturity and language acquisition or a combination of numerous things. Or, perhaps it is Red’s destiny.

Whatever it is, I am thankful and so are those who come into contact with Red. He oozes warmth, acceptance and love even when he doesn’t receive these in return.

Red loves as we canines do; unconditionally with total adoration, devotion and blind faith in humanity.

Now if I can just help the rest of humanity learn to love this way... Thank goodness there are a lot of us canine brothers out there!

I’m a Canine-Brother Social-Guide

2008-09-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

Yo Dude. Mick here.

I’m the adorable, slurp-your-face-so-happy-to-see-you guy.

Maybe I should make some things a bit more clear.

Yes, I’m a canine brother with the emphasis on brother.

Some biased, individuals in need of diversity and sensitivity training may consider me a dog.

They are wrong.

I am a family member who has a strong bond with my two-legged brother, Red.

In addition to being his champion and advocate, I am also one of Red’s social mentors and guides. I’m his interpreter.

I’m a canine social-guide.

My brother, Red has many wonderful talents.

He is a comedian who can deadpan jokes really well. He’s also good at slapstick. He's got an incredible ability to mimic dialects and memorize lines. I fully expect that one day he will be “discovered” and whisked away to Hollywood to become the actor he is!

Red is a baritone player with an incredible audio memory. This helps him a lot especially with learning new music (and memorizing those lines). His hearing is also superb. Red can hear even the softest voice where most others can’t over the din of the band room as an example. His hearing is almost as good as, well, a canine’s.

Red is also an artist. Most people don’t know this but he has several shoeboxes filled with his characters, both real and imaginary, drawn on 3X5 cards. He probably has close to 5,000 or more!

Mostly he makes caricatures of people or animals playing sports or musical instruments. He puts these together sort of like a story-board for a show. With his talent, he may even become a writer or director.

With all his talents, you may wonder why Red needs a social mentor and guide. Well, Red has autism. Autism is sometimes called “Autism Spectrum Disorder” or abbreviated, “ASD”.

As a social mentor and guide, I assist in social translations between Red and others. I interpret for Red. Sometimes I explain Red and what he’s saying or doing and why to others and sometimes I explain to Red what others are saying or doing and why.

Red doesn’t always “get” others and often, others just don’t “get” Red either.

If you think of autism like you going to a different country – the assistance of an interpreter can make your visit less stressful and therefore more pleasurable.

I’m Red’s interpreter, his canine social-guide

B but mostly I’m his brother.

Polishing Our Schedule Around Band

2008-09-28T21:03:00.000-07:00

Yo! Mick here. This was me after our Saturday Band Camp this weekend. Don’t I look adorable when I’m falling asleep on the couch?

The first month back to school has past and Red and I are still making adjustments to our schedules. Band seems to rule as well as rock!

Although we love band, it is almost a full time career. On Tuesday and Thursday nights Red and I return to school at 5:45pm to practice marching drills and music until 8:45. We play for all of the home games and we have several competitions this year.

I think I mentioned before that I play the French horn and Red plays the baritone. Mum helps out as she can. She helped with getting the uniforms hemmed and organized, not to mention organizing us. Band has become a family activity. I had no idea how much goes into getting the band up and marching on the field.

Well, we’re starting to find our footing (LOL get it?) with getting our homework completed around the band schedule. Although there are some competitions coming up that may require some additional polishing of the schedule (I crack myself up).

Next we need to add in some chores. We’ve been relying on Mum for quite a bit but she’s giving us the heads up that changes are in order. We’re bigger, older and more mature and therefore need to be pitching in more.

That’s cool. More responsibility usually means we are able to do more independently too.

For example, this Saturday Mum took us to another Band Camp practice and gave us money so we could walk over to a fast food restaurant with some of the other band kids instead of packing a lunch. It was great to hang with our friends.

We’re still adjusting to our schedules but we sure do like band so fitting our less favorite things around it just makes sense. Even if we’re wiped out, we make sure to take care of our responsibilities. Band is so worth the effort!

Mum here.

I give the boys plenty of heads up with an explanation when I'm planning changes. This allows Red and Mick to work out in their minds the rationale and appropriate responses and tends to make the transition smoother.

This is especially helpful to kids on the autism spectrum.

Band is important to the boys and is a strong motivator. Although I recently learned from a woman on the autism spectrum that it is cruel to withhold a preferred activity, such as band, it hasn't been an issue. Red is very self motivated.

Further, the band director stresses to the students that they must maintain good grades and demonstrate responsibility in order to be in band. I don't have to be the bad guy or the enforcer - I get to be a team player and occasionally make "suggestions".

Digging Autism

2008-09-18T18:41:00.000-07:00

Yo! Mick here.

Sorry, this isn't my best side but I'm digging. I'm an excellent digger.

That's pretty much what we (those of us who care for someone with autism) must do a lot of.

Dig.

What are we digging?

Details mostly. I'm constantly digging for the details about what's going on with Red. For example, he doesn't always let anyone know that he's been bullied. Sometimes I have to ask him (dig) point blank, "Red, did anyone bully you today at school?", to learn the answer to this question.

Digging for solutions is something else we do a lot of. Mum and I do a lot of research about how best to assist Red. We talk with other parents and families who have kids on the autism spectrum for tips and suggestions to help our daily lives function better.

I talk with other kids at the park and school about how to be successful, what's important to them and so on. I mean, I'm a canine and Mums an adult. We don't always understand a kids perspective or insight into what's going on and important. We gotta dig this information up.

Mum digs in Red's binder and backpack looking for clues about homework, notes from classes and checking out his artwork. You'd be amazed what you can dig up from art!

Like archaeologists, we are careful and vigilant in digging up the clues to (and for) Red. You could say Mum and I have PhDs in Redology.

Bullies beware! We've Got Red's Back!

2008-09-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

Yo, Mick here. The handsome one with the blue eyes and no bandanna.

I'm still worried about the bullies at school. If I'm still worried, I can't imagine how Red must feel. To watch him though, its like someone has wiped his heart clean of the memories.

He jumps out of bed, races to get ready and flies out the door for another day of school. He loves band, and Video, is not too keen on math and enjoys meeting up with his friends.

I don't know if I could do that. I mean, I'm still wiggling mad about those bullies harming my boy!

Do you have any ideas why the bullies torment others? For years now bullies have been considered just another victim themselves who suffer from low self esteem. Ha! I mean have you actually seen bullies in action? Do you know any bullies?

Low self-esteem my flea bite!

New research shows that bullies are more likely to have typical self-esteem and maybe even border on fluffed up self-esteems. Coddling the bully and building them up just results in rewarding them with more attention.

I'd like to see bullies taken down some ego pegs!

The school where Red goes has agreed to continue the program set up last year. It is designed with the ultimate goal of improving school climate and providing a safe place for everyone.

The plan is that Red, his SCIA, teachers or other adults when they hear of or witness a bully event they report it and the student is brought in and informed that what they did was bullying. The student is then put on alert that they will be monitored. A record of the event and conversation is placed in their permanent file so that everyone knows the student has been informed.

Any further bullying incidences then have a series of consequences including detention and suspension. All incidences and consequences are documented.

I have my doubts, but things were starting to improve a bit by the end of the school term this last year. Although some of the bullies just enlisted others to "moo" at the kid with the wild red hair.

Beginning early may help - maybe.

Whatever, Mum and I are here for Red and he knows it! Red also has several teachers and other school support staff and especially his SCIA. We ALL have his back and so do several of his friends at school.

A Bully Kicked My 2 Legged Puppy

2008-09-06T04:59:00.000-07:00

Same Old Bullies - Again

Yo, Mick here. I'm the one without opposing thumbs - I'm not really opposed to much except meanness and deliberate harm. Red has had a challenging 2nd week of school because of bullies. The same ones from last year with a few new recruits.

Red came bursting through our backdoor Thursday so distraught he practically fell over me waiting for him. He collapsed on the couch. I jumped up on top of him to give him slurpies (I'm not yet a trained therapy dog but I know what works on my boy) and he wrapped me in his arms and rolled to his side holding me in a tight ball.

My boy takes on too much!

Red didn't cry at all, he's maturing. After a few minutes Red told me he'd tried to not react when the fat boy in the black T-shirt said, "Cows Moooo.", but that he couldn't help it, he'd already been "moooed" at a few other times that day.

How can humans be so cruel to one another?

It breaks my heart to see humans kicking any puppy, even one with only 2 legs. From Red's perspective, with his sensory issues and autism, "moooing" is the same as deliberately kicking - and the bullies know this!

Adjusting to Back to school with Autism and ADHD

2008-08-30T22:27:00.000-07:00

Yo! Mick here.

The first week or so back to school is typically filled with adjustments for any child or family. For a student on the autism spectrum and their family there are even more adjustments and these can create some intense reactions or require some fairly extreme planning.

Adjustments may include:

Back to school rituals for the student
Family routines are shifted - again
Getting up earlier than in the summer and going to bed earlier
New schools (may be same or different school districts or different schools as in transitioning to middle school or high school)
New teacher or teachers
Meeting new friends
Reacquainted with the bullies
Switching to school or fall clothes from play or summer clothes
Wearing shoes (with socks) and learning to tie them
Homework
Less time for preferred activities
Less time with favorite pets or people (my biggest pet peeve! grin - thump, thump!)
Returning to or adjusting medication doses
Classroom rules may be different
Higher expectations for the student and the student may have higher expectations of others or themselves (even unrealistic expectations?)
Expectations which are too low
Paperwork demands
Learning new skills in and out of classroom
Sports or other activities such as band

This list seems to go on and on. Going back to school is quite an adjustment for me too - I seem to have a compulsion to slurp from the garbage can. I just can't help myself. I am that pathetically bored. Sometimes I'll wait for Red on the couch but hey, I can only do that for so long.

High School Micromanaged for Autism and Success

2008-08-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

Yo Mick here, the one sitting on my tail.

Red and I began high school yesterday - at least the pretend version of me gets to go. Band camp has been awesome in transitioning Red to high school. He's met some new friends who are mentoring him. I keep a low profile when he's at school. So low that most people never know I exist but Red is able to talk to me when he needs to work something out or reassurance.

Behind the scenes, Mum and Red's SCIA (special circumstance instructional aide - formerly called a 1:1 aide) have been busy getting things set for him to have a good year. They've arranged his classes, researched his teachers even, and got his locker in a location that won't add to his stress level.

The locker needed to be on the outside so he doesn't feel suffocated and its at his chest level, not too high or too low. With over 2,000 students these little things help.

Some call this micromanagement, but when it helps Red succeed who cares what its called or who thinks what? Mum knows best most of the time and she's good at listening to the council of others. Our goal this year is to ensure that red has a smooth transition to the high school.

Most of the details Mum and the SCIA are able to iron out but there are some things beyond their ability to either control or know about. Fore example, one of Red's classes has a bully in it that made his life miserable in one of his classes last year. The bully picked up right where he left off so now Red has a schedule change - already - the second.

There's no way to know if that'll help in the long run but they have to try. Kids with autism are often bullied and don't always understand that they are being bullied. Red knew. I wish I were permitted to go to classes with Red, I don't thing the bully would be such a problem.

Mum and the SCIA stay on top of things, it's not always easy, some people who typically don't understand autism don't recognize how important it is to do so. Can you imagine how it feels to start every day accidentally smashed into lockers by others - when you have sensory issues?

Or what if every time a teacher called out loudly you perceived it as them yelling at you as if they were angry with you for something and you had no idea what it was?

What if you knew the bully was eyeballing you and you told the teacher about it, and the para-educator and still no one believed you because you have autism and everybody knows that kids with autism don't perceive things like that correctly?

Micromanagement, advocating, whatever you want to call it helps kids with autism. More often than not it is a kid's mum doing this but it may be another trusted adult, even a teacher or para-educator who fills the role.

Hopefully someone does because these kids need help, because sadly, there are still a lot of people (mostly neurotypicals) who just can't seem to understand that not everyone perceives the world the same way. And they say kids with autism lack empathy! HA!

Marching Back to School in Tune with Autism

2008-08-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

photo taken by Sarah Andrade - family friend

Band camp concluded yesterday and the band had their first paid performance tonight. Wow - they have hit the ground running. Practices 2 nights a week, performing for every home football game, several marching competitions and school. Band is a definite investment of time and effort but bonding with friends is well worth it.

School starts on Monday. I'm not ready but Red is. I'm as ready as I can be - it just never feels like I can be totally prepared. In past years I have put together a letter of introduction for Red's teachers. OASIS once had a letter that could be tailored to the student but now has a few checklists and lots of other information that can help families and educators with students on the autism spectrum.

My experience is that teachers quite reading the letter in junior high, just when I was wanting a way to expedite getting the information to all of Red's teachers. One year I even sent in a short Power Point. It wasn't until the end of the year that a couple of his teachers even looked at it. Which is probably why the letter has been reduced to a checklist.

Looking back over the years of letters is one way to acknowledge Red's increasing abilities. Sure, it seems like every new level of accomplishment brings with it fresh challenges but I can track progress on his own chart. That's not to say that there aren't those times where he goes forward a few steps only to step back a couple now and again. Red has his own dance steps that's for sure.

What band camp has given Red is an ability to march in tune and step forward with an entire band. He's not off on the sideline or stepping to a tune no one can hear but him. He belongs. Red, in turn, plays his heart out for the band and his buddies.

Marching with the Band to the Beat of Autism

2008-08-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

Hey, Mum here.

Red plays the baritone in the high school marching band. I am so thankful that he's found a group of people to hang out with this fall doing something that brings him great pleasure - Music.

Band camp has really been instrumental (grin!) in transitioning Red to the high school.

He's leaving a junior high school with close to 800 students and going to a HS school with over 2000! I was overwhelmed picking up his schedule and books, I can't imagine how Red's going to feel on Monday when classes begin.

Kids with autism typically don't transition or accept changes very well. Many though will also stress and feel overly anxious with too much advanced warning about changes or transitions so parents can find themselves in a position of weighing when to tell and how much to tell.

I was in that position regarding Red's inoculations. At the time, I didn't tell him in advance because I knew just he'd react with a lot of anxiety and be totally stressed out. And I was right.

Band has helped ease the typical transition to high school a lot! I am so amazed. Red has had no problem getting up early and spending a long day (8-5:30!) learning new music and marches and meeting fellow band members.

Red's ready for his classes to begin. I'm not so ready. Red will need to learn the layout of his new campus, find "safe" areas to hang out, contend with kids who are comparatively huge, learn how to open and use a locker, and he's not going to be crazy about all of his classes.

The past several years Red has been mainstreamed into regular education classes for most of his day. Last year he had a lower level math class and a resource language arts class. He hates math regardless and felt the resource language arts class was below him.

Sure, for spelling it was. The kid out-spells me! As long as Red is permitted to copy the spelling words from a book and not "guess" during a pretest. Pretests cause him to memorize the word incorrectly so I've added to his IEP, "no pre-spelling tests". Yes, I do resort to micromanaging when necessary.

Red just doesn't test well for reading comprehension. He may understand more that we know but even if we're all off a bit, he needs help in reading.

Also I chose to get proactive even before classes started. I pull Red from his assigned math class because I heard from 4 different sources that that the teacher is a "yeller" (and why is this person a teacher?). That would just upset Red and would be no way to begin his day.

The other teacher who taught the level of Math Red needs only has one section and its during band. So, he's now in a remedial level math, an SDC math class. It is my hope that the teacher can create a math program that helps him learn his math facts and also helps prepare him for the exit exam.

Sigh. There are many executive decisions and things to consider when raising a special kid with autism. Parents truly need to be active advocates and very diligent in their children's education and assessing their needs. A balance between smothering or codling with helping them grow and mature is not easy to achieve.

So, ready or not, classes begin on Monday. I'm not telling Red about the math class decisions I've made. I'm saying nothing about the resource language arts class. Nope. Mum's the word because when it comes to Red, Mum knows best. (I hope! Please don't backfire!).

Thank goodness for the things I can predict and positive influences in my son's life like Music, Band, and Band Camp!

Band Camp Blues

2008-08-17T06:39:00.000-07:00

Hey, Mick here. You know, Red's tail waggin', wet-nosed four legged brother?

Red began band camp this week (this is Red from last year). I'm trying to be happy for him (but he looks about how I feel). I mean, he's off meeting new High School buddies, getting to march and play his baritone and band is way cool but I'm mostly stuck at home by myself.

Mum's real happy about the band camp too. Band kids are generally good kids and it is important for Red to have some solid friendships because there are a lot of people who go to Red's school and some of them are pretty tough.

Band kids tend to stick together, eating and hanging out during lunch and breaks. The friends that Red is making this week and next before school starts up will really be helpful, so don't mind my sulkiness. I just feel like a lost puppy when my boy's gone.

Red does this incredible thing though. He takes me along in his imagination. I play the french horn and get to march and so much more. I'm playing first chair and I'm squad leader. My friend Louie also plays.

Red had a really awesome week! He met up with some of his band friends from Junior High and his mentor from HS has introduced him to more new friends. Every day he'd come home full of these great stories about his new experiences.

I believe this is going to be a really powerful year for Red, he's off to a great beginning.

I also know where I stand. Rather than going to the pizza and pool party on Friday, Red chose to come home so we could have some down time - just the two of us. We both needed to unwind and just be.

The Love Look

2008-08-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

Yo, Mick here. The one with the wet nose. Naw, The black, wet nose!

There are a lot of generalities made about kids with autism that are just untrue!

Kids with autism do make eye contact, they do have and express feelings and they know how to give and receive love. These generalizations made about kids with autism really are a disservice to kids, parents and pretty much everyone.

It is true that maybe they don't make eye contact with everyone or maybe there are kids with autism that don't make eye contact at all.

The same holds true for the other autism traits. There are a lot of "rules" broken. Generality type rules are a way of understanding and categorizing which is not necessarily a bad thing. When people begin to restrict others based on generalities though it is wrong.

My boy has not always made eye contact nor has he always been able to express his feelings, but he has improved these skills. This does not mean that he has or can outgrow autism, it just means that his abilities change.

We don't expect a toddler to remain dependent on a diaper or a kid to stay at the 4th grade math level the rest of their lives. All people grow and change. We need to permit change and growth for all people.

And seriously, who the-flip-flop says that growth and change are completed on a certain time-line? Time-lines are guides or more generalities. Use them sparingly.

Red may not tell me he loves me 20 times a day but look - that expression says love and no words could add more depth.

"Getting" the Autism Factor with Baseball and Cousins

2008-08-13T05:54:00.000-07:00

Yo! Mick here. The cute one with the tail.

Red and I learned the basics of baseball this past week! Wow and Bow-wow! What a wonderful experience! Does life get any better than a game with boys chasing a ball, running around and having fun?

We spent the past weekend at a family reunion in Santa Barbara having a blast with our cousins. These guys had all played baseball before either in school or in a league but Red and I were fairly new. Well, Red may have played a bit in PE. Because kids with autism can get real stressed out with team sports Mum hasn't signed Red up to play league competitions. I can understand why - team sports are loud and confusing. Fun too, to be sure but with everyone yelling in the heat of the moment I was overwhelmed.

Red's lucky to have some cousins who not only know how to play but can offer up some help too. Red got some lessons on how to hold the bat for optimum swinging. His older cousin has a real knack for understanding Reds needs and explaining things so that he gets it.

His older cousin "gets" Red. We've started sorting people by those who "get" (understand Red and the autism factors) and those who don't. Those who don't are further divided into those who could with a bit more effort from those who choose not to get him.

Red's fortunate, his family gets him most of the time and always tries to. Some kids with autism are not nearly as blessed. Having a supportive family and friends is a huge factor in how autism impacts a person.

Watching Red swing his bat and keep trying until he connected was inspiring. More inspiring than that was the boys making up rules that applied to everyone's abilities and their patience with each another. These were not at all formal rules but more like using patience and tolerance. The pitching was pretty rough for everyone.

Red soon made contact with the ball. I chased after it while he ran around the invisible bases. Talk about confusing! Was I supposed to get the ball or chase my boy?

In the brief time I hesitated, the older cousin had the ball and was chasing down Red. I was barking, the younger cousins were shouting out and Red just kept running - up until the point when he was tagged out. Then he just collapsed on the ground. Red likes a big dramatic finish!

Life with autism is what you choose to make of it - having people who care about you and truly "get" you with the autism factors is a blessing. Red is well blessed. He has family, friends, teachers and me who "get" him.

What we all get is a boy who is fun, playful, loving and a joy to hang with.

Focus and Rules for Autism

2008-08-05T08:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it takes the presence another to point out the things we are too close to see. When Kasmira came out she added to the mix a glimpse of the differences I don't usually see in Red. For example, we were on the beach playing and having fun. We stopped for some photos and it wasn't until we downloaded them that I noticed Red views the world differently.

It's not all that obvious, really but there it is, the autism perspective. Where is the focus point of this photo? Was it just that Red was in a hurry? Or is there a point of the focus? Or is it the autism factor? Look at this next photo of Mum and Kimberly.

Sure, they have cute knees and I love Kimberly's toe polish but what was red focused on? It is said that people with autism don't usually look into the eyes of people. Well, Red does sometimes - more often when he's with family and friends. Autism is also a mass of contradictions! Rules!

Ha - people with autism create rules, adhere strongly to rules, require others adhere even stronger to the rules as they outline them and all rules for the understanding of autism will eventually be broken. There's generalities or norms that can be associated with autism but don't try to hold a person with autism to what you think or know about autism. It is different for everyone with autism, every day and even every moment with autism is unique.

Expect change, be flexible and autism will be less traumatic and even fun. Autism is fluid in spite of rigid associations. Smile!

Red, Mick and Kasmira on Carmel Beach

2008-07-31T07:14:00.000-07:00

Yo! Mick Here. The one smiling with their tongue hanging out.

Mum is so happy! She picked up Red's sister, Kasmira at the airport on Sunday. Kasmira lives with Red's and her dad in Georgia - 3 time zones away! We went to the Carmel Beach on Monday and played around some. Red and I were quite happy to see her too.
Kasmira is a cutie! She's also smart and as I soon discovered, more than a match for our brother, Red. Me, I like to do just a few things on the beach, most of them involve chasing down flying objects. Sleeping is also good.

Red however missed the sport of annoying his sister. She seemed to understand the gaming activity well herself. As she demonstrates in the photo below, she is quite good with self-defense.
She and Mum took a class a couple years back and she got a reputation for hitting well. She also has some good take-down moves she's perfected over the years

Kasmira and Red were quite tireless in their game of body-checking. What I don't understand is why Red kept going back for more! She was obviously the better player in this game! Kasmira's a die-hard hockey fan - she knows body-checking.

Watching these two in action is hilarious. Mum has been trying to get Red to watch the 3 Stooges because of the slapstick. I don't know why, Red's perfected that already. Red will usually instigate or provoke Kasmira (and it doesn't take much!) and she responds in a predictable manner and takes her brother out.

Red then acts as if he's mortally wounded. If you ask me, he's mellow-dramatic! He's so mellow he looks asleep! He also gets sand in places I sure wouldn't want sand!

I was almost envious of the time they spent bantering, but then I couldn't decide who I wanted to hang with. I miss Kasmira too. She was there when I first met my boy and even helped Mum decide to introduce Red and me. She's got a grace and style that I really admire. And did I mention she gives a good scratching to the ears?

While our brother is, well, lovingly annoying! He can get carried away, especially when he's rough-housing Sometimes he just doesn't know when to quit!

Kasmira has no problem holding her own and reminding Red of his place as her "little brother" Ha! He's growing - by this time next year Red won't be her little bro (aham, that'd be me anyway!), he'll be her younger brother.

Blood tests and inoculations are stressful

2008-07-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

Yo! Mick Here. Red's dog-brother.

Mum had to do things she'd rather avoid this past week. Red needed first to have some blood work to ensure his meds were not causing problems internally then a few days later Red had to have his inoculations updated. Shots! Yowie!

Because Red would just stress for days, hours or however long, Mum didn't tell Red about the blood work or the shots. She wouldn't let him eat breakfast the morning of the blood work and instead promissed him a trip to Jack-in-the-box after the "errand". I got to go with them but had to wait in the car. Still, it was awful. I heard him yelling from the car!

I heard the story later. Mum went in with Red protesting that he wasn't going (hey he's no dummy. He recognized the building as being some type of doctor's office) but as usual she ignored his protests and he followed. He does that. He'll be yelling no! no! no! and doing whatever "it" is anyway. Teachers and others are picking up on this and just ignore his protests.

Well, he was sitting all folded up in a chair saying things like, "this sucks!" and "I'm not going", while Mum was calmly telling the lady behind the counter, "I'm sorry. My son has Autism, he's not medicated today yet because he's fasting for the test and he needs blood work". She then apologized to the man just ahead of Red.

The staff was excellent. They needed to call regarding a question for one of the tests but otherwise got Red right on back to the room where they draw the blood.

Red had tried to "escape" twice before they brought him back though. He'd charge the door yelling, "You can't make me! I'm leaving!" His hand never let go of the door and Mum never said a word to him until he was back in his seat. She patted his hand and told him, "I know you're upset. I'm sorry for that".

Wow. When Red saw the room back there he was really paniced and yelling and crying. Mum had to use a stern voice to get his attention but she asked if he wanted to sit in her lap when they drew the blood. He did.

The nurse was excellent. She introduced herself and her assistant (yes, it took 2 - one to get the needle into him and the other to hold his arm steady so that he didn't hurt himself). Red sat on Mum's lap he placed his arms on top of hers and she held the hand not being used for the shot in a loving hold.

Red was still worked up and yelling until Mum sorta shook him once and reminded him he was 15 and told him to act his age. He pulled it together and the whole thing was over that quick from there.

He ran out of there and right to the car so I could hug him and lick his face. It took 2 orders of french toast sticks from Jack-in-the-Box to appease Red. He was starving.

After he'd scarfed up one. He and Mum talked. She asked him, "How bad was it really"?

"It was horrible! I'm never doing that again!"

"Was it worse than a cat scratch?

"Yes!"

"Does it still hurt?"

"Yes".

"Is it starting to feel a little better?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember when you got stung by a bee and how it kept hurting and feeling worse?"

"Yes."

"Which is worse, a bee sting or the blood test?"

"bee stings."

"Cat scratches can hurt for a long time too right?"

"Yes."

Then Mum talked to Red about going to the dentist and how that can be sort of like the blood work or getting shots at the doctor. It only hurts for a little bit and then feels better.

Well a few days later I figured out why she was having that conversation. I got to go to the doctor's office with Red again. I also had to wait in the car - again - which made me nervous after the last time.

Red was in there for quite awhile getting a complete physical. He also got 3 shots! 3 of them! But this time he didn't scream or anything. Mum said she was so proud of him! I am too. He came out and told me all about it and showed me his 2 bandages.

I know it must be hard on mum to have to let people hurt Red with needles like that but she explains that it's to keep him healthy.

I told Red that they must work because I get shots and I stay healthy. Mum said that there is some risks for shots. She also explained that there are many people that claim their kids got autism when they got their shots. Red's doctor apparently doesn't believe that. Still it must have been real hard on Mum. I gave her a slurp on her hand to make her feel better.

*** Mum, Irene here. Please note! I am not advocating for or against inoculations. These are highly personal decisions that should be made by parents with their family doctors. I am merely sharing what I have done and do regarding shots.

I ALWAYS ensure that the shots or inoculations are thimeromsal free. Even as the medical rofession claims that it was never the cause of or triggered autism, they removed it from the inoculations. But do be aware! One of the remaining shots that may contain thimeromsal is the flu shot. There are some batches being made with it and some without so always check with your doctor if there is ANY CONCERNS. As Red is not in a high risk category for the flu, I don't think I will have him get the flu shot this year either.

Beach, Bonfires and the eating habits of my boy with autism

2008-07-24T17:25:00.000-07:00

Yo! Mick here. The four-legged brother.

My idea of a perfect day is one spent on the beach followed up with a small bonfire and roasted meals (which is not to say I won't scarf up a dropped hot dog before it's cooked!).

Red, like a lot of kids with autism, has quirks when it comes to food. For example, his choices at this recent beach party. He ate an entire bag of Cheetos, a soda (Mum only allows one a day - at most!), 2 hot dogs without any buns, and his marsh mellows roasted over an open flame just barely a light tan with just a few black speckles. This takes an incredible skill. He eats his graham crackers separate. Red does not like chocolate except Oreos because they don't taste like chocolate or have a chocolate texture or smell. If they'd been available at the picnic he'd have had a lot of them. Red does not eat s'mores but Mum will when he accidentally burns up his marsh mellow.

A lot of people make the mistake that food quirks are about the taste. This is not true at all. It can be the smell, the texture or color or - well you get the idea, it can be almost anything. The same goes with food combinations. There may not be an obvious reason.

Good nutrition can become a concern for people with autism - at least a concern for their families. Mum has Red take supplements but by far the best supplement of all is MonaVie. It has the omega 3s, 6s and 9s that have a huge benefit to the brain function (see our story tomorrow for the impact these nutrients made for Red), amino acids, vitamins and minerals and the highest antioxidant ORAC value that is over 10 times blueberries, fiber and much more! At the rising cost of fruit, it is actually cheaper than buying all of the daily fruits and veggies (which he wouldn't eat anyway).

Getting all of the required nutrients can be a challenge but Mum has one less worry now! Check out our story, and a few others, do your own research if you want. But do check out MonaVie or better yet, try some yourself.

Wii Play We Movie

2008-07-22T23:06:00.000-07:00

Yo.Mick Here. Dig my shades!

We had one of those totally awesome days. Red took me for a run on his skateboard. He rides and I pull him along. We rode over to collect his friend for some Wii challenge. Our favorite games are; Wii Sports, Wii Play and Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games.

I'm best at Wii Play, Red is best at Wii sports, especially baseball. That guy gets home runs all the time. Red's friend, Mohawk is sweet on the Guitar Hero. He rocked out on, ZZ Top's song La Grange. We want Spikey to come over sometime to show us what game he's best at.

Afterwards we went to see the Josh Hutcherson movie, Journey to the Center of the Earth. Bummer though, our local theater does not support 3-D. That's OK. It was a great movie anyways. My favorite part was when the prehistoric fish got slammed out of the raft.

We love hanging out with our friends. Sometimes it works better for some kids to have friends who are either younger or older than them. Are all of your friends the same age?

A Dog, his Boy, and Autism: an introduction

2008-07-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

Yo. Mick here.

The hottie with the blue eyes, fuzzy ears and tongue hanging outa my smile. That's right. I'm the dog-brother.

I want to welcome you to the, Mick and Boy blog, where we share some of the daily aspects of our lives. Primarily it will be Mick, Red, and our mom, Irene, making comments and posts but we may on occasion have guests.

Be sure to check out our primary site, http://mickandboy.googlepages.com/home where we have more information about autism and our stories. We also have a forum, tips and strategies, and resources. This site is mostly just us having some fun and LOL opportunities.

We invite you to share your own stories and comments (with or without autism) with a comment or join our autism forum on our primary site, Mick and Boy.

I am a Queensland Heeler and although I am not officially trained as yet, I am my boy's therapy dog. One day I hope to be officially trained but in the mean time, I'm happy just being Red's best friend in the whole wide world. Check back frequently for photos and fun!

Your pal,

Mick