Bullies Make Me Wanna Puke!

Yo Mick here, the canine who’s looking rather ill…and all because of bullies!
(the bully saga continues…)

We’ve been so busy dealing with bullies that there’s been little time to write – well that’s not exactly true – but after the emotional beatings and physical beatings who feels up to writing?

Red got beat up at school, Mum’s being beat up with bullies who are criminal – white collar crime type criminal – and both are really huge legal issues… and well, I’ve been trying to comfort as I can.

Mum won’t let me take a bite out of any of the bullies – and trust me that requires a lot of control on my part!

So there it is, the cryptic explanations for not posting the past couple of months, that say nothing about anything at all and nothing about the stress and trauma of dealing with bullies.Oh my - do not get me started!

But really, what is there to say? Mum’s said we are to be mum about all of that for now (I did mention legal issues right?). There is much I’d like to talk about but as mum’s requested, I won’t talk about the personal side of being bullied just yet.

So here I am sharing the explanation of why the silence and a call for more research and 411 on the subject of bullies and autism - and just bullies.

Some bullies are obvious (well maybe not entirely to everyone) and then there are bullies who are not so obvious – the type who pretend to befriend and “help” but are really only serving themselves. There are bullies in schools, the workplace, the park, community, the government; even places of worship have bullies.

Bullies are everywhere!

There have been several news articles about bullies and autism… imagine that! In particular, the Boston globe shared the results of a MAC (Massachusetts Advocates for Children) report on bullying (to download your own copy: http://www.massadvocates.org/home )

Although there were nearly 90% of parents who answered that their child with autism was bullied, children are not a number – this report shares some of the stories…

Stories of bullying, they make me droopy eared and break mum’s heart, but we’d like to hear more and with permission possibly share them. So if you feel so inclined, please, we’d like to know your bully story – how it began, was there a “trigger”, was there a resolution, a particular helpful strategy???

If there are some helpful sites or books we’re all ears, even if they are a bit droopy at the moment.

here's what I know for sure about bullying - Bullying must be stopped!

So please help, share your story, share what you know about bullies, research etc. we want to know!

Thanks in advance, and stay tuned… I am sure there will be more information about autism and bullies, and our own continuing bully saga ...

Digging Autism

Yo! Mick here.

Sorry, this isn't my best side but I'm digging. I'm an excellent digger.

That's pretty much what we (those of us who care for someone with autism) must do a lot of.

Dig.

What are we digging?

Details mostly. I'm constantly digging for the details about what's going on with Red. For example, he doesn't always let anyone know that he's been bullied. Sometimes I have to ask him (dig) point blank, "Red, did anyone bully you today at school?", to learn the answer to this question.

Digging for solutions is something else we do a lot of. Mum and I do a lot of research about how best to assist Red. We talk with other parents and families who have kids on the autism spectrum for tips and suggestions to help our daily lives function better.

I talk with other kids at the park and school about how to be successful, what's important to them and so on. I mean, I'm a canine and Mums an adult. We don't always understand a kids perspective or insight into what's going on and important. We gotta dig this information up.

Mum digs in Red's binder and backpack looking for clues about homework, notes from classes and checking out his artwork. You'd be amazed what you can dig up from art!

Like archaeologists, we are careful and vigilant in digging up the clues to (and for) Red. You could say Mum and I have PhDs in Redology.

Bullies beware! We've Got Red's Back!

Yo, Mick here. The handsome one with the blue eyes and no bandanna.

I'm still worried about the bullies at school. If I'm still worried, I can't imagine how Red must feel. To watch him though, its like someone has wiped his heart clean of the memories.

He jumps out of bed, races to get ready and flies out the door for another day of school. He loves band, and Video, is not too keen on math and enjoys meeting up with his friends.

I don't know if I could do that. I mean, I'm still wiggling mad about those bullies harming my boy!

Do you have any ideas why the bullies torment others? For years now bullies have been considered just another victim themselves who suffer from low self esteem. Ha! I mean have you actually seen bullies in action? Do you know any bullies?

Low self-esteem my flea bite!

New research shows that bullies are more likely to have typical self-esteem and maybe even border on fluffed up self-esteems. Coddling the bully and building them up just results in rewarding them with more attention.

I'd like to see bullies taken down some ego pegs!

The school where Red goes has agreed to continue the program set up last year. It is designed with the ultimate goal of improving school climate and providing a safe place for everyone.

The plan is that Red, his SCIA, teachers or other adults when they hear of or witness a bully event they report it and the student is brought in and informed that what they did was bullying. The student is then put on alert that they will be monitored. A record of the event and conversation is placed in their permanent file so that everyone knows the student has been informed.

Any further bullying incidences then have a series of consequences including detention and suspension. All incidences and consequences are documented.

I have my doubts, but things were starting to improve a bit by the end of the school term this last year. Although some of the bullies just enlisted others to "moo" at the kid with the wild red hair.

Beginning early may help - maybe.

Whatever, Mum and I are here for Red and he knows it! Red also has several teachers and other school support staff and especially his SCIA. We ALL have his back and so do several of his friends at school.

A Bully Kicked My 2 Legged Puppy

Same Old Bullies - Again

Yo, Mick here. I'm the one without opposing thumbs - I'm not really opposed to much except meanness and deliberate harm. Red has had a challenging 2nd week of school because of bullies. The same ones from last year with a few new recruits.

Red came bursting through our backdoor Thursday so distraught he practically fell over me waiting for him. He collapsed on the couch. I jumped up on top of him to give him slurpies (I'm not yet a trained therapy dog but I know what works on my boy) and he wrapped me in his arms and rolled to his side holding me in a tight ball.

My boy takes on too much!

Red didn't cry at all, he's maturing. After a few minutes Red told me he'd tried to not react when the fat boy in the black T-shirt said, "Cows Moooo.", but that he couldn't help it, he'd already been "moooed" at a few other times that day.

How can humans be so cruel to one another? 

It breaks my heart to see humans kicking any puppy, even one with only 2 legs. From Red's perspective, with his sensory issues and autism, "moooing" is the same as deliberately kicking - and the bullies know this! 

High School Micromanaged for Autism and Success

Yo Mick here, the one sitting on my tail.

Red and I began high school yesterday - at least the pretend version of me gets to go. Band camp has been awesome in transitioning Red to high school. He's met some new friends who are mentoring him. I keep a low profile when he's at school. So low that most people never know I exist but Red is able to talk to me when he needs to work something out or reassurance.

Behind the scenes, Mum and Red's SCIA (special circumstance instructional aide - formerly called a 1:1 aide) have been busy getting things set for him to have a good year. They've arranged his classes, researched his teachers even, and got his locker in a location that won't add to his stress level.

The locker needed to be on the outside so he doesn't feel suffocated and its at his chest level, not too high or too low. With over 2,000 students these little things help.

Some call this micromanagement, but when it helps Red succeed who cares what its called or who thinks what? Mum knows best most of the time and she's good at listening to the council of others. Our goal this year is to ensure that red has a smooth transition to the high school.

Most of the details Mum and the SCIA are able to iron out but there are some things beyond their ability to either control or know about. Fore example, one of Red's classes has a bully in it that made his life miserable in one of his classes last year. The bully picked up right where he left off so now Red has a schedule change - already - the second.

There's no way to know if that'll help in the long run but they have to try. Kids with autism are often bullied and don't always understand that they are being bullied. Red knew. I wish I were permitted to go to classes with Red, I don't thing the bully would be such a problem.

Mum and the SCIA stay on top of things, it's not always easy, some people who typically don't understand autism don't recognize how important it is to do so. Can you imagine how it feels to start every day accidentally smashed into lockers by others - when you have sensory issues?

Or what if every time a teacher called out loudly you perceived it as them yelling at you as if they were angry with you for something and you had no idea what it was?

What if you knew the bully was eyeballing you and you told the teacher about it, and the para-educator and still no one believed you because you have autism and everybody knows that kids with autism don't perceive things like that correctly?

Micromanagement, advocating, whatever you want to call it helps kids with autism. More often than not it is a kid's mum doing this but it may be another trusted adult, even a teacher or para-educator who fills the role.

Hopefully someone does because these kids need help, because sadly, there are still a lot of people (mostly neurotypicals) who just can't seem to understand that not everyone perceives the world the same way. And they say kids with autism lack empathy! HA!